NewsBlog 5000
The finger on the invisible hand

Editor's Note: Oops, I Told You So Again.

Friday, May 19, 2006

On Wednesday, I advanced a plan by which ordinary citizens could get up to $280,000 in tax credit, simply by donating $100 to the Speaker of the House. I am proud to say that Speaker of the House Dennis Hastert is 100% on board with my plan.

Last night in session, Hastert said the following, "Well, folks, if you earn $40,000 a year and have a family of two children, you don’t pay any taxes."

While sounding like crazy bullshit, that statement would be true if you followed the Maynard/Hastert $100 donation plan. Yes, if that family follows my plan and donates $100 to Hastert in exchange for a $280,000 tax credit, they would pay no taxes. Now, I know what your saying, for these tax credits to be valid, you have to start a pyramid scheme. Well, that's the great part about the Maynard/Hastert plan. I have already started a pyramid scheme. You just have to invest with me to get in on the bottom floor.

Let's face it, paying taxes is for people who don't like money. That's just unpatriotic. If you give your money to the government, your only going to get yourself useless social programs like Social Security and Medicare. It's time to be a real American and start stiffing the government.

Dr. Ryan Maynard, Editor, NewsBlog 5000

Well, that plan might work except for one little problem . . . the U.S. Government has the IRS and all I have is a cute smile and nice tits.

Tell me more
Loved it. Choking off the funds is the ONLY thing that will work. I have a cute smile and nice tits, too. So that's two of us... fortunately, there are still more of us than them.

You might enjoy my husband's post on the topic:

Sorry, don't know how to make that a short link in a comment...

By the way, I linked to your blog - very interesting. Even if it is all made up.
1. Nothing in this blog is made up.

2. The fascists, or as they are commonly known the GOPers, have consistently over the last five years been intentionally confusing the concepts "taxes" and "income taxes." I saw it last week, and you see it again with Hastert. Of course people earning under $40,000 pay payroll taxes, but for a brief moment, in the middle of a sentence, that doesn't count, and the press never calls their sorry asses on it.

How come none of these pyramid schemes get me a pyramid?

Traditionally, only the pharaoh gets his own pyramid. If you sign up early, you can be a head slave and be thrown on the top of the pile of bodies.
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