O'Reilly Threatens Mexico
Saturday, May 20, 2006
(SNN New York) Bill O'Reilly has once again threatened to use his power to boycott an entire country. This time, he has set his scopes on Mexico.
Mexico does not sell well with the conservative proletariat as it is. Many Americans only know Mexico as the cheap drugs, tequila and hookers of spring break or the place where their factory moved. But now, there is the issue of immigration.
People have been freely crossing the United States border from Mexico since we split Mexico in half, about 150 years ago. But suddenly, it has become a horrible threat to American Democracy.
O'Reilly has more qualms with Mexico than just the fashionable immigration issue. Mexico went too far with O'Reilly and threatened a lawsuit against the United States, over the immigration issue. If there's one thing O'Reilly doesn't like, it's lawsuits, being on the losing end of them so many times. In addition, when O'Reilly stays in hotels, the latino maids refuse to be his love slaves.
One country that has suffered greatly from O'Reilly's boycott is France. Due to the O'Reilly boycott, France suffered a long and bloody revolution, lost the Napoleonic wars and was invaded by Germany, twice. The majority of the population can not even enjoy a hamburger. And immigration has gotten so out of hand that 26% of the population doesn't even speak English.
A boycott by O'Reilly would be disastrous to Mexico: over half the population would end up living in poverty, the country would have mountains of foreign debt, and the lowliest of workers would be reduced to living on $4 a day.
But things would be difficult on Americans too. A boycott on France just means going without truffles, champagne, croissants and foie gras. A boycott on Mexico would mean no more American cars, no more home appliances, dirty Wal-Marts, the closing of 80% of US restaurants and saying goodbye to the decadence of the Chalupa.
But eeeeuuuuuwwwww, can you imagine being propositioned or otherwise sexually harrassed by Bill O'Reily? Ew, ew, ew. He's just creepy! And he's ugly, too. And not very bright. And, an asshole.