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Phone Call Database to Benefit Americans

Friday, May 12, 2006

(SNN Washington) An NSA program has been secretly compiling phone call records on tens of millions of Americans. The NSA got its data from telephone companies such as AT&T, Verizon, and BellSouth.

Holy Shit

An NSA program has been secretly compiling phone call records on tens of millions of Americans.

An interesting thing about the discovery of this program is that those involved in it are only willing to come forward anonymously. In addition, they will not discuss it over a phone, or in e-mail, or anywhere near a ceiling fan, toaster or radon reduction system.

We were so shocked that our phone records were being kept by the NSA and so committed to privacy that we tapped Patrick Leahy's phone. Leahy said "Are you telling me that tens of millions of Americans are involved with Al Qaeda?" while asking the rhetorical question of his mistress. We also spoke with a representative of Verizon who hung up on us after complaining that we didn't have a question about our service.

But some argue that this program is a good thing. During the fifties, McCarthyism tore the nation apart as people were taken in front of the Committee on Un-American Activities and forced to name their associates. Now, due to modern technology, this is no longer necessary. Now, without investigation, you can be quietly arrested in middle of the night. The NSA knows your friends, your friend's friends, your friend's friend's friends, your friend's friend's friend's friends, and your friend's friend's friend's friend's friends. Then it's right back to Kevin Bacon.


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