NewsBlog 5000
The finger on the invisible hand

Editor's Note: Meat me in Japan

Wednesday, June 21, 2006

Ok, it's been pointed out to me that yesterday on Radio 5000, I was a little hard on the Japanese. They announced that they were pulling out of Iraq, and I announced that Sailor Moon could go fuck herself. I admit, that was maybe going too far. Especially considering the problem they have had with Sailor Moon porn on the Internet.

But that's all forgiven now. Japan has agreed to again start importing US beef. Japan had banned US beef for five months, due to fear of Mad Cow Disease. Apparently, some official in Japan was reading Democratic Underground and thought there was a serious degenerative brain disease.

I'm so glad that Japan has come around to my way of thinking. Because if Japanese men want to grow to 6'4" and 300lbs., they are going to have to start eating more American beef, and stop hiding behind the metric system. Sorry guys, we know that 160cm is only 5'3". We have Google calculator.

But trust me, lots of red meat and bovine growth hormones will get you up to size in no time. And with all those crazy steroids pumping through your body, you might just have been able to hack it in Iraq a little bit longer. And you can consider my boycott of "The Fast and the Furious 3: Tokyo Drift" lifted. That makes us both winners.

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