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The finger on the invisible hand

Editor's Note: Some Senators still soft on America

Tuesday, September 19, 2006

This morning I was heading to work and practicing drift racing in my up-armored Humvee. And I couldn't stop thinking about these liberal politicians that want al-Qaeda to stop us from enjoying the freedoms of driving downhill sideways at 80mph in four tons of steel.

While I would expect liberal Senators like Hillary Clinton, John Kerry and Barbara Streisand to want America destroyed by terrorists, I was shocked to find a group of GOD, sorry GOP, Senators standing in the way of expanding our freedom via secret prisons and interrogation techniques.

Frankly I'm tired of the relativism of Senators such as John McCain, who thinks he knows something about the military and war just because he was in Vietnam, and thinks that he knows something about torture because he was held in a Hanoi prison camp for five and a half years. Well, John McCain, Jeraldo has spent more time in battle than you, and anyone who has watched him will admit that he knows a thing or two about torture as well.

Besides, the administration has a real fighting man in their ranks. Donald Rumsfeld was an active duty flight instructor for three years. And any man who had to put up with Nixon's drunken ramblings must know a thing or two about courage. Furthermore, he was in the reserves from 1957 to 1989. That's right he was actually Secretary of Defense while he was in the reserves. He's practically two fighting men.

It's time we sent a message to our leaders. We want you to torture every man woman and child on Earth as long as it means that we can take our Shampoo plus conditioner on an airplane.

I tell ya what. Torturing some brown people overseas is fun enough, but that's not what terrorizes me on my daily commute. It's all those AUTOMOBILE drivers that terorrize me (a motorcycle driver).

I say we ought to arrest the whole lot of them and waterboard them. Or at least give us motorcyclists the right to carry Sagger missiles on our bikes to take out the S.O.B.'s who cut us off and try to run over us!

- Badtux the "You aren't going far enough!" Penguin
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