NewsBlog 5000
The finger on the invisible hand

Editor's Note: No way, Jose.

Tuesday, December 05, 2006

I am taking an opportunity to appeal to the chief demographic for NewsBlog 5000, people who consume an inordinate amount of liquor.

Tequila maker Jose Cuervo is asking us to try their new Cuervo Black Medallion Tequila. They say it is smoother than other Tequilas because it is aged in oak vats. They also say that it tastes great with cola. They have started a national advertising campaign with the tagline “Cuervo Black and Cola”. Look America, do not drink Jose Cuervo Black, and definitely do not do it with Cola.

There is no doubt that Tequila is one of the most dangerous substances on earth. After one to four shots, depending on tolerance and body weight, you go completely insane. Part of this insanity involves drinking as many as 20 more shots. But God, in his infinite wisdom has given us a mechanism to combat casual experimentation with the liquid, it’s vial taste.

By making smoother tequila and then encouraging others to dilute the taste in a sugary beverage, Jose Cuervo is driving our society towards the brink of anarchy. It’s ok if one or two people drink some tequila at a party, but imagine ten, or one hundred. We would have gangs of roaming tequila drunks insisting that they were ok to drive and kicking the ass of anyone who told them they should settle down.

This is not a future I want to see.

So I call on all good NewsBlog 5000 readers to boycott Jose Cuervo and instead stick with an American made product, Jack Daniels Tennessee Whiskey (Old No. 7). Not only is it a more American product, but it tastes good with a cola.

Dr. Ryan Maynard, Editor, NewsBlog 5000

Captain Morgans rum & diet coke.
I don't know. I like the cut of that Capt. Morgan's jib, but could you consider drinking Puerto Rican rum as outsourcing?
Do not, I repeat, do not go to Mexico and drink tequila slammers. OMFG. I saw Jesus. And talked to him. And he talked back. And then I barfed. For 3 days.
:P I told my Hubby pick up a fifth of Cuervo Black Medallion Tequila on the way home from work tonight. $23.00 a 5th! If I would of known that. Too late now. Anyway ith not bad with coke. Much smoother then the gold stuff.
I wonder if the new Cuervo on the list of luxury goods that can't be sold to North Korea.
Yow tat Cervo blaCk is sMoot wi coKe! Godo stuff it issss!
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