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Bill Frist to Give Nation a Shocker

Monday, April 18, 2005

(SSN KY)Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist is about to tell the nation something so shocking that it may never be the same again.

Frist has personally headed movements to exploit the rules to stop more Clinton judicial nominees.

Frist is leading a showdown. He is attempting to rewrite a long running rule that stops a controlling party from completely dominating the judicial branch and protects checks and balances. Frist has personally headed movements to exploit the rules to stop more Clinton judicial nominees. This shocks no one.

On April 24th, Frist will travel to a Kentucky megachuch for an evening dubbed “Justice Sunday”, where he will join those that claim Democrats are “against people of faith” for blocking President Bush’s judicial nominees. This is not the thing that will shock the nation.

It is rumored that Frist, despite depicting himself as the consulting doctor for the Senate and offering shaky medical opinions that supported his positions exclusively, may be making a run for president in 2008. This is not the thing that will shock the country.

Frist will state firmly that it is harder for a Democrat to get into heaven

Our exclusive sources have found out that on April 24th in Kentucky, Senate Majority Leader, Bill Frist will announce that he is the Lord God, Jesus Christ, returned to earth. It is widely hoped that Frist’s divinity will stop argument as to whether or not the extreme protestant right constitutes the only real faith.

God will appear on stage with Dr. James C. Dobson, founder of Focus on the Family; Chuck Colson, the born-again Watergate figure and founder of Prison Fellowship Ministries; and Dr. Al Mohler, president of the Southern Baptist Theological Seminary. Lord Frist will state firmly that it is harder for a Democrat to get into heaven than a camel to pass through the eye of a needle.

This announcement comes at an advantageous time. It is expected that the conclave in Rome will dissolve selection of a new Pope in deference to Dr. Frist’s divinity. Upon receiving the position of Pope, Frist plans to dissolve the astronomical wealth of the Vatican to feed the rich.

The Lord Dr. Frist's spokesman said that in the telecast the Lord God returned to Earth would reflect his previous remarks on judicial appointments. In the past he has consistently balanced a determination "not to yield" on the president's nominees with appeals to the Democrats for compromise. Mr. Stevenson said, adding, "He has spoken to groups all across the nation to press that point, and as long as a minority of Democrats continue to block a vote, he will continue to do so."


Complaints:
Hmmm. Pope Bill; that has kind of a Saturday Night Live ring to it.
 
I think it is high time to tar and feather all these self serving religious pretending conmen and antichrists and run them out of town on a rail. Of course, I reserve the right to personally sodomize Mullah Charles Dobson with objects of my choosing as a prelude to his tar and feathering.

Seriously, these zealots are so blind due to the belief that their faith is the proof that they are right when proclaiming how society should be. That ranks them up there with the Taliban who beheaded many, the NAZI's who in their self proclaimed righteousness killed millions of "sub humans" (ie. Jews, Gypsies, and others that didn't believe their stilted dogma), and the Pharihsees[this is how I choose to spell it] who killed Jesus.

Maybe they'll all fall apart when one of them reads the whole New Testament and gleans some of the real teachings and context. Man, all these Republi-Saints wouldn't be too jazzed to find out that Christ was very liberal in how commanded for those that have to share their property with those that needed.

Anyway, I get Mullah Chuck first.
 
Umm?! Question here to Mr. Frist. I am a dude, does that mean instead of two in the pink and one in the stink, all three go in the stink? And you just can't resist butt humor can you?
 
I only write the news. I don't make the news. In Dr.Frists case, both definitions of the word apply.

shocker
1: a shockingly bad person
2: a sensational message (in a film or play or novel)


And just an FYI:
sodomy
1: copulation with a member of the same sex or with an animal
2: noncoital and especially anal or oral copulation with a member of the opposite sex —sod·om·it·ic
 
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