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Go Ask Alice

Thursday, August 18, 2005

Are you sick with those bland syndicated advice columns? Alice Humbees has got the pill for you. Would you like to Go Ask Alice?

Alice

I have been diligently following a celebrity for several years now. I consider myself a fan. I admit that on occasion, I have gone a little too far. Her attorneys and certain members of law enforcement have occasionally gone as far as calling me a stalker. In fact they have gone as far as to never allow me back into Scotland again. I have heard that this celebrity may be going to France for the holidays. Should I go to France, or do you think she really is not that interested in me?

Edwin M

EM

They say that you should always follow your dreams, but I often tell people that a restraining order is a sign that a relationship might not be working out. However, they say that winters in France are quite mild and cold spells do not last for long. My suggestion is that if you feel you have to go, you should take someone who can give you advice on how to properly handle yourself when you are around your celebrity friend. I would like to offer my services in this capacity. Please contact me for rates and travel arrangements.

Alice

Alice

I have gone on a few dates with this man. The other night, he admitted to me that he used to be a Catholic priest. I’m afraid that this means that he is gay. Could it be that he is just using me to appear straight?

Sally T

ST

I do not think you have to be afraid of this man using you to hide his homosexuality. While a few isolated incidents of homosexuality have marred the reputation of Catholic priests, the vast majority of Catholic priests are not homosexuals at all. It is much more likely that he is using his relationship with you to hide pedophilia. It is in fact nuns that are more known for their homosexuality.

Alice


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