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Skippy Gets Cable

Wednesday, October 05, 2005

For quite some time, I have been fascinated with this phenomenon known as cable television. While I have never, myself, had cable television, I know several people that do, and my wife, Bunny Delicious, has been asking for it for quite some time. This week on Skippy Does It, Skippy Gets Cable.

Getting cable is a simple process. I simply called our local cable company. They, in turn, forwarded me to their national office, where someone told me that they did not offer service in my town. After another call, I had a date to have the cable hooked up. While I was given a wide time range that the cable installer would arrive in, he was actually there right at the beginning of the time range and had the cable installed in our living room in a couple of minutes.

I have two televisions, one for our living room and one for the bedroom. The cable installer showed me how some of channels available in the living room. I found this lovely show called "Bewitched" about a typical American family in which the mother was a witch. I don't want to give anything away for those who may not have seen the show, but let me tell you, if the American Family Association ever sees this Bewitched show, the TVLand Network may have a boycott on their hands.

While, I was intent on watching Bewitched, the cable installer asked someone to join him in the bedroom. Because I was intent on watching my show, Bunny went. After about ten minutes, Bunny asked me if I wanted to join them in the bedroom, because the cable installer was flexible. I don't know what she meant by that, but it must have had something to do with our package, because we ended up with a lot more channels than I ordered.

Actually having cable was quite the experience. We had over 100 channels, and there was always something to watch, so long as you are a fan of "Price of Tides". I even found a show more risqué than "Bewitched". This show was called "I Dream of Jeanie". Not only did "I Dream of Jeanie" have the supernatural element of Bewitched, but added a decidedly Arabic flavor.

At the end of the first month, Dr. Maynard said that I had been watching TV long enough, and that the Sincmil News Network would no longer cover our cable bill. So, to Bunny's disappointment, I decided to cancel the cable.

I called up the local cable company and they again forwarded me to their national office. I told the operator I wanted to cancel the cable. She said to me, "I don't think you really want to cancel your cable." I assured her that I did. Then she said, "I don't think you really want to cancel your cable, just like I don't want really want to tell your wife that you ordered 'Finger my Anus 14'." I had to think about that for a minute. "Oh, was that 'Finger My Anus' number 14? I believe my wife is in that movie. She probably just wanted to see her performance." The operator just said, "oh" and cancelled my cable.

While the operator told me that the cable installer would not have to return to stop my service, she must have made some mistake. I came home early the other day to find the cable installer and Bunny in our bedroom. He told me that because we had been so nice to him, he was going to let us keep our cable for free, which I thought was good customer service. He also reiterated that he was flexible and offered to do me an additional favor. I told him he had already done enough, so he put on his pants and left.


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