Travelers will Smell better but not feel Safer
Tuesday, September 26, 2006
(SNN New Haven) The Aug. 10 TSA ban on on liquids and gels was slightly relaxed today. Travelers were told they could have deodorant and shampoo in containers of less than three ounces. In addition passengers will be allowed to take liquids on the plane that were bought inside the TSA checkpoint, as long as they submit to a rectal examination.
According to TSA chief Kip Hawley, the FBI has determined that you can not blow up an airliner with an amount of liquid less than one quart. Therefore, all of the liquids must fit inside a clear plastic quart bag. This plan will work perfectly as long as two terrorists never travel on the same plane. It is not known if foreign travelers will be allowed liter bags.
The system hit a glitch when one man wrote “Kip Hurley is an Idiot” on his bag. After being detained for twenty five minutes, it was determined that the man's assessment was indeed correct. There had been some questions by TSA an law enforcement officials as to whether calling government officials incompetent was the equivalent of yelling 'Fire' in a crowded theater. However, others pointed out that if government incompetence could put our country in greater jeopardy, the country would have been consumed by a fiery ball of death instead of just losing two towers and the city of New Orleans.
Before making the announcement, Hawley invested heavily in S. C. Johnson and Son, Inc., the maker of Ziploc bags.
Oh yeah, make money now.