NewsBlog 5000
The finger on the invisible hand

Editor's Note: I'm so excited

Thursday, December 14, 2006

In just over a month, Jack Bauer will again show us how to defend democracy. Now I know that the Hollywood liberals will try to tell you that Jack is merely a fictional character. I bet they would tell a different story if Jack had just shot out their wife’s kneecaps.

Some people may say that there are Americans more heroic than Bauer. Even if that were so, it would be George Washington or maybe Chuck Norris. He would definitely be in the top three though.

If I had to pick Washington or Bauer in a fight, I would have to pick Bauer. Picture this: they are both in a rowboat on the freezing Potomac. It is a half mile swim to either bank. Bauer shoots a hole in the bottom of the boat. “Listen General, you’re going to tell me what I want to know, or we’re both going to freeze to death in this river.” Jack fires another shot.

Norris is a wild card though. It could go either way.

I’m sorry, I really can’t go on. I get so emotional when I talk about Jack Bauer.

Dr. Ryan Maynard, Editor, NewsBlog 5000

Oh and as HillCountryGal reminded me, the actress that plays Chloe (Mary-Lynn Rajskub) was caught smooching Rush. However, the actress claims that the kissing did not lead to a physical relationship. Better luck next time Mary-Lynn.

I, too, love "24" - however - I read Zoey is dating OxyRush!!!! OMG. Can it be true?
Dr. Maynard,

This is further proof that you may be a boob. Consider that.

24 is quite simply the most patriotic show ever. Deal with it.
TV and movies are just things that screw with your brain, making you even more stupid and crazy.

Hey, it's just a bunch of monkeys fucking around.

Patriotism is stupid. You are a citizen of a planet, not a country.
I always thought "24" was a parody of patriotism and patriot directed entertainment. The lead character is portrayed by a Canadian! How patriotic is that?

I have always equated patriotism with pride, neither are good in large quantities.
See, I even got her name wrong. Think Jack's gonna come get me? Or better yet, OxyRush? Nah, I don't keep 10,000 PILLS OF OXYCONTIN in my house. No need for OxyRush to stop by.
Damn, some trolls are just so negative about EVERYTHING!
"Damn, some trolls are just so negative about EVERYTHING!" I wouldn't characterize myself a troll just a true patriot and past contributor.

As for "24", yuck. Give me true patriotic vision like "Kelly's Heroes"! "Stop them negative waves, Moriarty" (or something close to that).

Though, "24" redid as hardcore porn might be interesting!? Instead of killing people for patriotism, he could be fucking them instead! Maybe that George Carlin guy was right?

Oh, as for BBC, I wouldn't characterize him as a troll either. I've read his blog and he seems to be on tract with his opinion.

Now, for Dr. Ryan Maynard, I think he is a secret toe fetishist that might steal water from public toilets using child size sippy cupps to bath with!
How dare you sir!

I am firmly against toilets paid for with public money. Even more disgusting is private toilets that companies are forced to make available to the public. It is yet another invention of the nanny state.

Learn to hold it, or stay home.
5000.... That is a heck of a lot of hog. I like pork but I don't eat much of it anymore. Raised my own pig once, it was very good.
Cyprian..... I dare say my friend, that you might be the boob.

On the other hand, I might think we are all boobs.

Speaking of boobs, I've decided to not deal with them anymore. Modern women are just too much of a pain.

As a boob, I am most qualified to decide if Dr. Ryan Maynard is a boob. With my most credible credibility indelibly marked with a permanent marker on my forehead, I can justly and righteously declare Dr. Ryan Maynard a boob.

Yes, it is wise to give up on modern women though have you considered the new post modern woman? They take some getting used to especially the odd angles and unique organ placement.
Dr. Maynard,

May your bladder fill profusely and discharge in your public restroom denying pants.
I always place my organ where the acoustics are best.
Post a Comment

Links to this post:

Create a Link