NewsBlog 5000
The finger on the invisible hand
 

Editor’s Note: We Did It!

Wednesday, December 27, 2006

I would like to offer my heartfelt congratulations to Christians around the world who managed to have Christmas despite the War on Christmas started by the secular humanists. You are all the heroes of this war, but those who spent more on presents are maybe a little more heroic.

Now, I made the decision to shut down our publication over Christmas weekend. It is a decision I do not regret. However, I do wish that I had left note about our impending shutdown, as it has caused rumors to spring up.

Despite what you may have read in the tabloid rags, I am not James Brown. Although he and I shared a long relationship, and several people have pointed out they had never seen the two of us in the same room. The answer for this is simple. We prefered to speak over the phone, or more recently through text messages.

One of the theories about my time off is correct though. I spent yesterday in Boston Logan International Airport tracking the habits of TSA employees, and looking for possible terrorists. What I found was shocking. One female TSA agent took four breaks during a seven hour shift. This is a horrible waste of taxpayer money. Being pregnant is no excuse. She should have thought about her break time before becoming pregnant.


Complaints:
Shit!

My attempts to prevent you from celebrating Christmas have failed once again.

I won't stop until you stop having Christmas.

That being said I hope everyone one had a happy Solstice celebration and I congratulate the suns triumphant return from the southern hemisphere.
 
I always had my suspicions about you & James Brown. But you're still blogging (YEAH!!!) so I know they weren't true.
Glad to have you back!!
 
Now that you've audited the TSA and made us all victims of the Christmas war, maybe you can update the tag line?

Or are you still to blitzed out on JD and JC?

Fight evil with The FUNK!
 
There are many things that taste good with a twist of lime. Ice Tea, Turducken and Diet Coke for starters.

However, I have been doing extensive test marketing of a new motto and plan to unveil it soon.
 
Post a Comment

Links to this post:

Create a Link