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Skippy Does It: Las Vegas Weddings

Thursday, April 21, 2005

This week, I was asked to participate in a Las Vegas wedding.

At first I was taken aback, but then Dr. Maynard explained his idea. Dr. Maynard’s uncle, Robert Schumwell, and his wife own a small wedding chapel, the Chapel of Happy Endings, outside of Las Vegas. He wanted to go away for a long weekend, but had no-one to run the chapel while he was gone.

Rev. Schumwell sent me information on how to become an ordained minister on the internet as well as some general information on the laws and regulations of weddings in the state of Nevada. I was also told that I needed to find an organist to provide music for the ceremonies and serve as a witness. Fortunately, NewBlog 5000 intern Bunny Delicious informed me that she knew her way around an organ. I printed out our plane tickets and my credentials as an ordained Minister and I was ready to go.

Bunny and I arrived in Las Vegas Friday afternoon. We got our hotel rooms and took a cab to the Chapel of Happy Endings. Rev. Schumwell and his wife were already busy performing ceremonies. Though the evening, I got a quick crash course in how things worked at the chapel and got a set of keys to the front door.

At two in the afternoon on Saturday, dressed in my best suit, I was letting myself and Bunny into the Chapel of Happy Endings. Just after the cab pulled away, a pickup truck drove up and four men jumped out. Some kind of scuffle ensued, but I saw very little of it, having received a face of pepper spray early in the fight.

When I regained some semblance of what was going on, Bunny told me that she had been able to take out two of them, and apologized for spraying me with pepper spray. We were in the back of a pickup truck speeding into the Nevada desert.

We were taken to an old Spanish mission in the middle of the desert. The words “Wedding Chapel” had been spray painted on the side of the building. Bunny and I were married at gunpoint. They made us pay them $100 for the marriage and a $200 tip to the truck driver. We were then blindfolded and taken back to our hotel.

When we got back to the Hotel, I called the emergency number that Rev. Schumwell had given us. He told me that a rival wedding chapel has threatened to start stealing his business. This was part of the reason why he had gone on vacation this particular weekend. I informed him that I would not be performing any marriages that day.

So Bunny and I will be spending the next two weeks in Las Vegas while we wait for an annulment to go through. The trip is not a total loss though. We have seen some very good shows, and I did get to see how well Bunny can handle an organ.

James Skippenofsky

Watch out Skippy! I spent some time as a roadie for a local Power Metal/Tech/Rap/Folk band and Bunny Delicious once spent a week in our van during a tour of Southern Mississippi. While I can also attest that she knows her way around an organ, she also left me, the other roadies, and every "member" of the band in need of massive amounts of antibiotics. But congrads on the wedding. And ask Bunny about the "Catfish", she loves telling that story.
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