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The finger on the invisible hand

Learning American Style

Wednesday, June 07, 2006

(SNN Omaha) Today, President Bush said that new arrivals to this country must adopt American values and learn English.

"One aspect of making sure we have an immigration system that works, that's orderly and fair, is to actively reach out and help people assimilate into our country," Bush said in his speech. "That means to learn the values and history and language of America."

It is interesting that Bush made this speech in Nebraska, where illegal aliens are generally confined to meat packing plants. Literally, they just lock them in.

The President also visited with immigrants studying for citizenship tests. Bush explained to the students in Spanish how there had been two President Bushes, John Bush and John Quincy Bush. It is believed that Bush spoke to the immigrants in their native Spanish, but with President Bush it's really hard to tell.

Bush's Omaha visit wrapped up a two day journey devoted to immigration. On Tuesday, Bush visited two border states, Texas and New Mexico. It is not known how the hell he ended up in Nebraska. However, there are two prevailing theories. Some people think the President took a wrong turn in Albuquerque. Others believe that he is secretly visiting the Strategic Air Command to look over plans for bombing Iran.

Shit, that be a big ol' tub of anal lube. I didn't realise how we take our constant ass fucking for granted anymore. And, I didn't know they let you lube up for it. Well, I off to Amazon to see if they carry a big tub of anal lube.
Yessiree, them thare furriners needs ta adopts our values. Like, guns. I say, if some furriner don't like guns, he ain't a real murcan! Them furriners ought ta be required to bring a gun with them to their citizenship test, with a notorized target from a certified shootin' range to prove they know how to use it, and then to prove that they are willing to use it the way it 'spozed to be used, they ought to be required to kill a cute fluffy bunny rabbit with a bullet through the hade right thare in the examiner's office, then skin, gut, cook, and eat the bunny! If they can't do that, why, they ain't really a 'murcan, and ought to be sent right back on home.

I have some other values that them furriners need to adopt to be real 'murcans on my own blog. I figger if they adopts all them, they'll be all set to be the typical citizen of Alabama or Mississippi. Y'all come by, y'hear?

- Badtux the Snarky Penguin
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