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Rick Santorum Explains Iraq (save the metaphor)

Tuesday, October 17, 2006

(SNN Allentown) In an interview with the Bucks County Courier Times, Pennsylvania Sen. Rick Santorum equated the war with "Lord of the Rings" by J. R. R. Tolkien. Santorum claimed that the battles in Iraq kept the Eye of Mordor from being focused on the United States.

"As the hobbits are going up Mount Doom, the Eye of Mordor is being drawn somewhere else," Santorum said. "It's being drawn to Iraq and it's not being drawn to the U.S. You know what? I want to keep it on Iraq. I don't want the Eye to come back here to the United States."

But something about Santorum's analogy does seem to fit how the White House sees their role. The Middle East is Mordor, slowly being united by Osama bin Sauron. George W. Bush is Frodo, who must finish the job of his elder, George H. W. Bilbo Baggins Bush. Donald Rumsfeld is Gandolf, the old wizard who is the only one who sees the wisdom of taking the fight to Mordor. Bill Clinton if Tom Bombadil, lovable but negligent. Dick Cheney is Gollum, driven mad by his own greed. And Santorum himself is Sam Gamgee, utterly devoted to Frodo because he wants to have sex with him.

Hey Kids

That metaphor above sure looks like it's in trouble. Can you help it by leaving a better interpretation of Sen. Santorum's metaphor in the comments section?


Complaints:

Not sure I could save that metaphor. But I do enjoy reading your comments, and this post!

My favorite post was that Microsoft Worm. Still laughing after seeing that thing.

 
Thank you for your kind words. I attempted to visit your site, but was frightened away by the Legend of Zelda music.
 
There's a monkey see. He jumps and we all fall down. But, god hates homosexuals, so the monkey flings poo at Pennsylvania because I am closeted Queer Eye For The Straight Guy fan. I wish they'd come and dress me so I wouldn't look like such a Republican automatron douche. But, I can't admit this because I have so much worked to vilfy strawmen meaning homosexuals.

So, there is this place where red herring live and play. You must not go there unless you are under armored and prepared to die or are a really big tree that can bowl a perfect 300. Now, if you don't go there, the red herring will come here and blow the shit out of granny and make us all queer for this guy named Allan but with an "h".

So, to avoid fighting the queer religious folks on our beaches, we must go to their den of evil do doing. Like how Frodo did.

See
 
Much like our great president, while your words confuse, your intent is pure.
 
Fine. But here's the deal.There is no reason to include President Bill Clinton's name in the same paragraph, or even on the same page as those scabrous, slimey, nitwitted, puke-drinking, raping, pillaging, crooked, evil, Republican assholes. If you must use him in a Tolkein metaphor, at least use him as someone intelligent, like Gandalf. Hmmm, yes, use him as a metaphor for Gandalf. I hate hate hate hate hate those Republican assholes. Huh, I wonder if my mind is slowly closing, in much the same way as theirs has done. Hmmm. Fuck 'em. I hate them all.
 
hee hee hee - I don't think your metaphor needs any improvement (except I also like Clinton, but then again Tom was my favourite LOTR character and I was mad he didn't make it into the movie). That made me laugh!
 
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