NewsBlog 5000
The finger on the invisible hand
 

Gerald Ford died in Wii Accident

Thursday, December 28, 2006

(SNN Demopolis) While authorities have been coy about the cause of Gerald Ford’s death, the Sincmil News Network has inside information that the cause of death was the Nintendo Wii.

While his family did not reveal the cause of death, sources close to the family have told a Sincmil reporter that the President was playing the new Nintendo Wii. Ford had a pacemaker installed in August, and playing the Wii with a pacemaker is expressly forbidden in the manual. Ford had just finished playing a round of golf and thought he would give Tennis a try. He went for the initial serve and banged his knuckles on a ceiling fan. The strap from the controller caught in the fan blades, and the President was pulled off his feet, spun around the room three times, and finally hurled into the wall at high velocity. He emerged from the incident unharmed, but then held the controller too close to his chest and pushed the A and B buttons at the same time, killing him stone dead.

Gerald Ford was the only President not elected to office. He was working as a Janitor at the time of the Spiro Agnew resignation. He was accidentally sworn in as Vice President. Because the Vice President traditionally doesn’t do that much, they had a good chuckle and Nixon decided to wait to replace him with a different Vice President “once this whole Watergate thing blows over." The joke didn’t seem that funny when Nixon resigned in August of 1974, and Ford became the president.

Over the years, many have tried to frame Fords presidency. Perhaps his legacy can best be summed up by the words of a former associate, Jessica Cutler, who called Ford “Married man who pays me for sex.”


Complaints:
OMFG!!! HILARIOUS!!!! I always think of Chevy Chase doing Ford falling down EVERYWHERE, even off the steps of Air Force One. Oh gads, it is so good to laugh.
 
I really like his wife because she is a straight-shooter. But really, he had 93 years of living enriched by contacts he made through his presidency, so . . . we should all be so fortunate. (Uh, how could it be considered in any way to be fortunate having to do anything in one's life labeled a Republican. Gaaah.)
 
Post a Comment

Links to this post:

Create a Link