NewsBlog 5000
The finger on the invisible hand

Editor’s Note: A brief absence

Saturday, January 06, 2007

On Thursday, Nancy Pelosi took up the gavel as the First Speaker of the House. As I predicted in my weekly broadcast of The 5000 Club, her first act was to pass a House rule that would find Republicans in violation if I did not have sex with San Francisco homosexuals.

They arrived at my door around midday, and I have been servicing them ever since. That is why I have not been able to post for awhile. I don’t want mention any of the lurid details, but let’s just say that I am writing this post standing up.

Excuse me for a minute, faithful readers, my phone is ringing.

Ok, scratch that last part about the House rules. I just got off the phone with my Assistant Editor, James Skippenofsky, and Skippy tells me that there was no such rule passed. It seems the men violating me for the last three days were just part of an elaborate hoax.

So, to those homosexual gentlemen that so easily tricked me by playing against my deepest fears and then screwed me nearly to death, I have only one thing to say. My friend, Carl Rove, is looking for some guys like you to work in his office. Come by later… Better yet, just give me a call and I’ll give you the details.

I've been checking up on Nancy Pelosi, since reading your very funny post.
j_g & that rabid bunch of scarey fear-mongering republicans that hang out at j_g's blog were dissing the woman so i figured she couldn't be all bad.

Usually, I wouldn't bother with some of this stuff but when YOU post about something I like to go look to see where your slant is coming from.

I'm glad you value me opinion. Now, I'm off to buy one of those inflatable donuts.
The real question is, besides the pain, did you enjoy it? If you did, then maybe you should find a less painful approach. Investigate proper warm up exercises including a pre-game enema, daily butt plug insertion to stretch opening and train sphincter muscle, lubricant (non-petroleum based!), and partner training.

I think the reason why you are so adverse to your experience is like many uber-Cons, your sphincter is too tightly clenched. Free your ass and your mind will follow.
I'm not sure what to make of Nancy. No question that the family is owned by the corporations. I see both good and bad in her. A liberal can be just as bad as a conservative.

She seems in ways like a conservative with a mask on. I'll have a better idea of her in a year after watching her for a while.
HA HA! I just got the inflatable donut reference. ;]
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