NewsBlog 5000
The finger on the invisible hand

Editor’s Note: Save the children from high prices

Sunday, August 12, 2007

On Friday’s “Hardball,” CNBC’s Erin Burnett spoke on the advantages of giving lead paint to kids.

“If China were to revalue it’s currency or China is to start making say, toys that don’t have lead in them or food that isn’t poisonous, their costs of production are going to go up and that means prices at Wal-Mart here in the United States are going to go up too. So, I would say China is our greatest friend right now, they’re keeping prices low and they’re keeping the prices for mortgages low, too.”

I feel that Erin is a kindred spirit. As a child, all my toys had lead paint, and I sucked all the paint off every one of those suckers, and as everyone knows, if there’s one thing I enjoy, it is low prices at the expense of others. Let’s not forget, the deluge of crappy and deadly products from China don’t just help the moderately rich. It also helps the Walton family.

For some reason, this reminds me of the time my grandmother died from poison toothpaste. Good times. Good times.

Dr. Ryan Maynard, Editor, Newsblog 5000


Nine of Ten say no to Text Driving

Wednesday, August 08, 2007

(SNN New Brunswick) Nine out of ten Americans believe sending text messages while driving is as dangerous as driving after having a couple of drinks.

The tenth person surveyed was Arlo P. Hasenpfeffer IV. In addition to allowing texing on the highway, Arlo believes in arming felons, putting corn syrup in the drinking water, and banning dentistry. In 2004, Arlo voted for President Bush because he wanted to “Punish the World.”

The state of Washington in May passed the first ban in the United States on texting while driving and at least six other states including New York, California and Florida are considering similar legislation, Pinger said in a statement releasing the survey results.

Hal Turner, a spokesman for the Texters for a free America, a libertarian rights organization also said, “You can have my blackberry when you pull it from my cold dead hands, literally.”