There’s good news today. Today, the AP reported that one in 32 people in the United States is in Prison or on Probation/Parole. This does not even count our collection of detainees both in detention centers and secret prisons.

This is the clearest sign yet that we are winning the War on Terror. As far as I am concerned, we should not stop until every terrorist or pothead is in a prison of some kind. And of course this is good news for the GOP, as all Democrats are either potheads or terrorists, except Ted Kennedy, who is a drunken murderer.

A great example of the struggles in the War on Terror is the case of Carl Persing and Dawn Sewell. A stewardess accused Persing of going down on Sewell on a flight from Los Angeles to North Carolina. Now the couple is facing twenty years in prison for disrupting the aircraft. This is the ideal way to treat passengers who fly coach.

Personally, you would never catch me going down on an aircraft, or indeed at all. When my wife insists that I perform that particular act, I hire an illegal alien to do it. They do the jobs that we don’t want to do.

Finally, many of you have asked about my recent trip to Jamaica and my search for Weapons of Mass Destruction. On a personal note, my trip was a success, as in my spare time, I finished my newest book, “Ronald Reagan, a Legacy of Honor.”

As far as the existence of WMDs, let me just say that you shouldn’t be surprised if we invade Jamaica shortly before the 2008 elections.

Dr. Ryan Maynard, Editor, NewsBlog 5000

posted by NewsBlog 5000  # Thursday, November 30, 2006 4 complaints

Kim Jung-Il

(SNN Washington) The Bush Administration wants to make it difficult for North Koreans to buy luxury items.

The items they wish to include in the ban are cognac, Rolex watches, cigarettes, artwork, expensive cars, iPods, plasma televisions, Harley Davidson motorcycles and personal watercraft, such as Jet Skis. The embargo would mark the first embargo ever specifically designed to piss of a World Leader, as Kim is the only one in North Korea that can afford these items.

This move will put pressure on Jung Il while hopefully not hurting the North Korean people. Additionally, it is hoped that North Korea will continue to stay productive in producing hatred. Japan, China, and South Korea would have no one to mutually hate if North Korea did not exist. If not for their mutual hatred of North Korea, and specifically Kim, the world would be a much more dangerous place.

It is unknown if the embargo will have any effect on Kim’s Amazon Prime membership.

posted by NewsBlog 5000  # Wednesday, November 29, 2006 3 complaints

(SNN Bentonville) Today, Wal-Mart stores changed their policies on how they would give donations to “highly controversial” issues.

This new policy is definitely a win-win for Wal-Mart. Now stores will be able to push profit margins higher while hiding behind the veil of controversy. This will be important as the retailer’s quarterly profits were down 0.01% last quarter, which translates to more money that the human mind can envision.

Some say that the decision may draw the ire of homosexuals. Seriously though, what self respecting homosexual would shop at Wal-Mart?

The American Family Association has taken credit for this new policy. The group has been leading a boycott of the retailer which it ended early last week allowing its members to take advantage of Black Friday deals. However, AFA says they will continue to monitor Wal-Mart's progress and if necessary, AFA will take further action.

While Wal-Mart does not have a position on same-sex marriage, they have said that who they date is their business. In addition, the retailer continues to sell season boxes of Will and Grace.

posted by NewsBlog 5000  # Tuesday, November 28, 2006 3 complaints

Now, I know, people are going to ask me ‘What you talkin bout, Willis?’, but yesterday marked the anniversary of one of the most significant events to the American right.

Two years ago, on this spot, NewsBlog 5000 was born.

Now I know it doesn’t seem like much to some of you. But to those of you who only think what I tell you to, yeah, I know you get it.

Well, I have to go back to sifting through reports to figure out if Jamaica is a terrorist threat to the United States. So far, I have not found any evidence of terrorism, but as I always say, the absence of evidence is not the evidence of absence.

Dr. Ryan Maynard, Editor, NewsBlog 5000

posted by NewsBlog 5000  # Saturday, November 11, 2006 11 complaints

I’m afraid NewsBlog 5000 is going to be operating a little slow this month. This week, I am traveling to Pennsylvania to assist Rick Santorum with his re-Election. I will be spending the rest of the month as an assistant to the ambassador of Jamaica, Brenda LaGrange Johnson.

posted by NewsBlog 5000  # Monday, November 06, 2006 4 complaints

(SNN Springfield) Today in Missouri, President Bush challenged Democrats to offer their plan for winning in Iraq. "They believe the only way they can win this election is to criticize us and offer no specific plan of their own," Bush said.

In many ways, this statement proves an earlier point the president has made. He does not spend a lot of time on the Internets, nor does he heavily use the Google. A simple Google search finds a handful of different plans being advanced by senior members of the Democratic party, including an official DNC plan. There are also hundred of calls from Bush and other Republicans to show them any sort of plan.

Encouraged by an audience of thousands of Republican loyalists, Bush said Democrats also lacked a plan for a host of other national security issues. “How do Democrats plan to fight the massive amounts of cannibalism in liberal universities? Truth is the Democrats can't answer that question," he said.

In addition, the President said that he could eat more apple pie and any member of the Democratic Party. “I don’t see any of them with pies, do you?” Bush asked the audience. “NO!” the crowd shouted enthusiastically. The crowd then began to chant, “Where’s the pie?” as the president ate a whole apple pie on stage.

posted by NewsBlog 5000  # Friday, November 03, 2006 4 complaints

(SNN Imus Ranch) This morning on MSNBC John Kerry finally apologised for comments disparaging the intelligence of United States soldiers.

Many are still upset Kerry tried to remove the President from office. In addition, they feel jealousy for a man who more than likely banged Jane Fonda.

Mr Kerry's apology was a reference to comments he made earlier this week when he spoke to students in California of the need to study hard, telling them: "You know, education, if you make the most of it, you study hard, you do your homework and you make an effort to be smart, you can do well. If you don't, you get stuck in Iraq."

Within the hour, President Bush was giving a prepared speech, where he called on Kerry to apologize for his statements. It is fortunate that he and Tony Snow have hammered relentlessly on this issue. If not for their efforts, no one would have even noticed. And while the President and the Whitehouse Press Secretary have asked for an apology dozens of times over the last few days, Kerry has only apologized three times.

Why Kerry’s statement really hurts is that it hits too close to home. Even though they respect the job the troops must do, deep down, they think they are a little down. This is because like the President, most Americans get their knowledge of everyday military life from watching Forrest Gump.

Ironically for Mr. Bush, by Republican standards, Forrest Gump is smarter than he is. While Bush attended Harvard and Yale, Gump was able to make money by successfully manage his own business, a feat the President never quite mastered. So when Bush thinks that Kerry has called the troops stupid, he perceives that Kerry has called him sub-stupid. While in reality, Kerry is merely calling Bush stupid.

In addition to having to deal with being insulted by Kerry, a man with little or no personality, Bush knows that there is nothing he can do. Unlike charges of torture which can be cleared up by some rubber stamped legislation, Bush can not twist the arm of Congress to make calling the President stupid a crime. Not only would it violate the first amendment, but with Bush in office for another two years, they courts system would break down from the load.

Many Republicans and even some Democrats have called on Kerry to apologise to the troops. They say that he should apologise to them not matter what the intent of his statements. Basically, what they are telling Kerry is that our troops are not only to stupid to understand this issue, but men who are regularly shot at are going to feel disheartened by the Senator’s misinterpreted statements. It’s a shame that they administration can’t seem to get them proper body armor, seeing that they think they are so thin skinned.

After Kerry’s apology this morning on MSNBC, Tony Snow again called on him to apologise.

posted by NewsBlog 5000  # Thursday, November 02, 2006 5 complaints

Mr. Gaur left this in the comments section in the SNN article about Bruger King. I found it so insightful, I decided to post it here. There's a lot to absorb, but I think the upshot of this editorial is that Jimmy Carter invented the BK Stacker. I wonder if the Jimmy Carter Mr. Gaur is talking about is related to the old guy who builds the houses.

VOTE IMPERIALIST REPUBLICANS - REJECT DEMOCRATIC MEDIEVAL DARK AGE POLICIES: by KALKI GAUR
Kalki Gaur, Editor World Press Club, Washington DC, 9:00 AM, Tuesday, October 31, 2006. Prefer Good Imperialism to Evil Inquisition Medievalism. Blacks should vote for the Party of Condi-Rice and for the Party of Lincoln not for the Pro-Slavery Democratic Party. If you want America where Church rules then vote Democratic Medievalism. If you want modern expansionist PetroPax Americana then vote Republican Petro-Modernism. Choice is yours. When American voters go to polling booths on November 7, 2006, they can vote either for Democratic Medievalism or for Republican Pax Americana. It is a clear choice. Democratic Party represents Religious Medievalism. Republican Party represents secular Machiavellian Modernism. The Two Party System no longer represents the same wine in differently colored bottles. Jimmy Carter, Henry Kissinger, Zbigniew Brzezinski, Samuel P. Huntington, Madeleine Albright represent the pro-China patriarchal iconoclast fundamentalist intolerant Axis of Medieval in American Politics that seeks to implement the End of Time eschatology of Prophetic Christians that conducted foreign policy to implement the religious agenda through an alliance with genocidal Islamic terrorism and Communist extremism. George Bush and Condoleezza Rice represent the morally right secular axis of modernity that seeks to implement the Oil agenda through an alliance with nuclear India and via War on Islamic terrorism. The elections of November 2006 and 2006 present to American Voters an opportunity to choose between Medievalism and Modernity. The Congressional Cox Report Jan 1999, details how Democrats allowed the theft of American nuclear technology to China and other countries? Global Axis of Medieval engineered the transfer of nuclear weapon technology to Pakistan, Iran, Malaysia and North Korea to ignite Christian-Islamic Armageddon to fulfill End of Time Eschatology. Democratic Party of 2006 resembles the Civil War era pro-Slavery Party, where Blacks play no significant role in corridors of power. Blacks, Latinos and Immigrants should vote for Party of Black woman secretary Condi Rice. Bill Clinton has kicked out Blacks and Latinos and Immigrants from corridors of power of the Democratic Party in all big States, namely, New York, California and Illinois.
APOCALYPTIC END OF TIME AGENDA OF JIMMY CARTER IS PURE EVIL CORE OF AXIS OF MEDIEVAL: The Reverend Jim Jones of Jonestown fame that caused mass murders in Guyana on November 18, 1978, represents the True face of Democratic President Jimmy Carter (1976-1980). The Axis of Medieval that Jimmy Carter seeks to create the Jamestown Guyana type mayhem in Burma and Nepal. Jimmy Carter represents the smiling face of Evil that lurched in Rev. Jim James of Jamestown Guyana. As a Democratic President Jimmy Carter made United States a laughing stock of the world and he betrayed United States by refusing to attack Iran to liberate American embassy prisoners and now he is conspiring to sabotage Republican President George Bush’s determined effort to tame Iran. Jimmy Carter is the patron-Saint Father of Ayatollahs, Islamic theocracy and Islamic Terrorism. Jimmy Carter was also responsible for the genocide of Buddhists under Catholic Communist Pol Pot of Cambodia. President John F. Kennedy overthrew the democratically elected government of Cheddi Jagan in Guyana, who was of Indian origin. Kennedy-Carter-Clinton Administration belonged to Christian Religious Right Conservative Conspiracy and sought to promote religious interests of monotheism fundamentalism even at the cost of national interests of the United States.
PRESIDENT JIMMY CARTER FATHER OF ISLAMIC TERRORISM: President Jimmy created Islamic terrorism and Iranian Shiite Theocracy. President Jimmy carter organized the overthrow of enlightened Shah of Iran and engineered the enthronement of Ayatollah Khomenini. Jimmy Carter sabotaged democratically elected government of Prime Minister Shahpour Bakhtiar and ruled out the transfer of power to Military generals in Iran. The pro-Islamic fundamentalism and anti-Islamic modernization policies put into place by President Jimmy Carter, while he was in office, at behest of Christian Religious Right Conservative Conspiracy laid the Islamic terrorist forces in motion that resulted in Islamic terrorist attacks of 9/11/2001. President Carter has been the patron saint of Osama Ben Laden and al Qaeda. President carter could be held responsible for 9/11 terrorist attacks. Novice President Clinton appointed the officials of the Carter Secretary of State to first Clinton administration, who conspired to legitimize Islamic terrorism, al Qaeda and Osama Ben Laden. President Carter should be worshipped at Mecca as American Father of Islamic Terrorism, Islamic Theocracy, Al Qaeda and Osama Ben Laden and his likes. The religious right conspiracy that Jimmy Carter presides over could cause more harm to the secular United States than that of his protégé Islamic terrorism. Ideas of Jimmy Carter present greater threat to secular USA than Islamic terrorism.
JIMMY CARTER CREATED ISLAMIC & NORTH KOREAN ATOM BOMB: Ex-President Jimmy Carter is responsible for the North Korean Nuclear explosion by his negotiations with North Korea during Clinton Administration. President Carter cemented the Mecca-Vatican ties that united the forces of extremism and fundamentalism. President Carter was very friendly with the Jones of Guyana that resulted in the massacre of American Christians in Guyana and murder of American lawmaker in the jungles of Guyana. As the leader of Christian religious right conservative conspiracy and patron of Islamic extremism, Islamic fundamentalism, Islamic terrorism and Islamic theocracy, President carter is engaged in implementing the agenda of Apocalyptic End of Time Eschatology Teleology now. If white Western Christian Civilization continue to accept Jimmy Carter as responsible American politician by virtue of his being ex-President then the fate of the Apocalyptic White Christian world would be doomed to the delight of Prophetic Christians as the advice of President Jimmy Carter can only lead to the death of the Christian Civilization as we know it. More than Osama Ben Laden, Christians like Jimmy Carter would cause the Apocalyptic End of White Christian Civilization in not so distant a future. Just as Pope conspired with barbarian invaders to Rome in 415 AD, similarly Democrats like Jimmy Carter conspiring with Islamic terrorism to engineer the descent of New Global Dark Age in Western hemisphere in 21st Century. Secular USA can also fall in 21st Century, just as Roman Empire fell in 415 AD, once religious extremism got control over Roman Empire. Now, the Islamic terrorism and Christian fundamentalism presents the threat to USA, similar to that presented by barbarian invasions of Roman Empire in 415 AD. Christian Fundamentalism might have provided logistic and ideological support to Wahhabi terrorists for 9/11 attacks on secular United States, especially in the ensuing Anthrax attacks. Patriotic WASPs need to be vigilant in ongoing War on Terrorism to ward off dangers of sabotage for Axis of Medievalism. Next time Islamic terrorists will attack United States with Islamic Nukes, to fulfill the Apocalyptic Fatima Prophesy of Armageddon. Prophetic Christians might foolishly join the War of Religions on the side of nuke-armed Islamic terrorism. Patriotic WASPs must take preventive measures to break the emerging Nexus of Islamic terrorism and Apocalyptic Prophetic Christianity.
CARTER AGAINST USA-INDIA NUKE DEAL: President Jimmy Carter is against Indo-US Nuke Deal reported HindustanTimes.com Friday, October 27, 2006. On a visit to India after 28 years, former American President Jimmy Carter saw no threat to Asian peace or world peace from India’s intentions to acquire atomic energy sources to generate power, but is firm that New Delhi ought to sign the nuclear Non-Proliferation Treaty (NPT). Though he has no authority in government to thwart the deal, Carter does not favor the Indo-US civil nuclear deal because, he said, there is need to discourage testing and development of nuclear weapons and the spread of fissile material. Hastening to add that his concerns were global, not India-specific, Carter said, "any nation with nuclear weapons should be under the NPT. It is my hope that the NPT becomes universally acceptable," said the 82-year-old Nobel laureate, who was severely critical of the US administration’s handling of the North Korean nuclear issue. Carter said he hoped other aspects of the bilateral relationship would not be affected if the Indo-US civil nuclear deal fails to go through the US Congressional process.
JIMMY CARTER IS THE PURE EVIL CORE OF GLOBAL AXIS OF MEDIEVAL IN AMERICAN POLITICS: Jimmy Carter represents the Evil Core of Axis of Medieval Fundamentalism. Wahhabi Al Qaeda represent the Core of Islamic Medievalism. Beijing China represents the Evil Core of Axis of Communist Medievalism. The Pure Evil resides at the Core of the Global Axis of Medievalism that conspiring to descend New Global Dark Age on the world in 21st Century to implement the End of Time Apocalyptic agenda. What one can expect from Jimmy carter who is the Father of Islamic Theocracy, Islamic Terrorism, Islamic fundamentalism? Jimmy Carter is so ludicrous that it is not worth wasting time on him, as he is determined to bring White Christian Civilization to an Apocalyptic End in alliance with his buddies in Iran to cause Christian-Islamic Armageddon, by his evil design to sabotage USA-India Nuclear deal that President George Bush signed with India, as President Bush is 100 times more competent than President Jimmy Carter. The people and Capitol Hill have a choice to make, whether they support the morally Good George Bush or morally Evil Jimmy Carter. The choice that the people of the United States would make, shall determine the fate of the Christian World and would determine whether likes of Jimmy carter would succeed in causing Apocalyptic damage to Christian civilization, with their determined pursuit of End of Time agenda. Apocalyptic teleology of ex-President Democratic Jimmy Carter presents greater threat to the secular WASP Protestant United States than al Qaeda or Osama Ben Laden. It is high time that Republican Neocons should grab the horns of the Evil directly rather than let is cause Armageddon by stealth to establish theocracy in USA. As President, Jimmy carter made United States the laughing stock of the world by his failure to attack Iran to free American embassy staff imprisoned by Ayatollah Khomeini. Was President carter on the payroll of Ayatollah Khomeini that Pentagon did nothing to invade Iran? Many patriotic WASPs consider President Jimmy Carter a traitor for his failure to use force to liberate American embassy officials held prisoners in Tehran. As a diplomat and Commander in Chief president Jimmy carter holds the greatest distinction of formulating most stupid foreign policy during his tenure as the President of USA. With Jimmy Carter as leader and a friend the United States does not need any enemy. So far as foreign policy is considered Jimmy Carter can only be called a Traitor to USA when compared to the patriotic George Bush and Condi Rice. In the eyes of patriotic WASPs in American politics Democrat Jimmy Carter represents the Core of Axis of Evil and on other hand Republican Bush-Condi Rice represent Core of Axis of Virtue. Axis of Evil caused 9/11 Terrorism and Axis of Virtue waged war on Terrorism. The Election of November 2006 and forthcoming November 2008 Elections, provide American Voters a Clear Choice, whether to Vote for Axis of Evil or vote for Axis of Virtue. Remember the 9/11 attacks would not have taken place without the active involvement of Core of Axis of Medieval. Remember the Pure Evil core of Axis of Medieval wants to destroy secular WASP United States just as in 415 AD it destroyed secular Roman Empire to cause European Medieval Dark Age, to engineer in the 21st Century the descent of Looming Global Dark Age on the White Christian Western World, to fulfill the End of Time eschatology of Prophetic Christians. To secular WASPs and patriotic Neocons Jimmy Carter and Osama Ben Laden represents the two sides of same Coin of Evil. Hindu, Buddhist and Pagan Civilizations representing more than 3.5 Billion people denounce the Evil represented by likes of Jimmy Carter as well as Osama Ben Laden. Dear American Voters, please prudently think before you vote on November 7, 2006, it is a vote for or against Evil.
ANTI-BLACK DEMOCRATIC PARTY: From Civil War up to 1964 Democrats were anti-Blacks, anti-Latinos and anti-immigrants. Party of Lincoln, the Republican Party had been pro-Blacks from the Civil war up to 1964. President Carter (1977-1981) and President Clinton (1992-2000) engineered to kick out Blacks and Latinos our of leadership position in the Democratic corridors of power and replaced them by fundamentalist religious leaders and Wall Street donors. In American Elections 2006, the Republican Party is the preferred party of choice for Blacks and Latinos. The Democrat’s Ideology of Medievalism seeks to break the Constitutional Wall that separates the State and the Church in the United States. The Republican Modernism seeks to empower American Blacks vis-à-vis East European immigrants and secures Energy Security of Industrial America by controlling Oil and Gas reserves of the Middle East. If you want to vote for the Party of Church, then vote Democrats. If you want to vote for Pax Americana then vote for Republicans. The choice that you would make shall determine the 21st Century.
Kalki Gaur, Editor World Press Club, Washington DC, October 29, 2006, Sunday, 7:30 PM

posted by NewsBlog 5000  # Wednesday, November 01, 2006 6 complaints