(SNN) A recent study done among teens has shown that abstinence is the most effective way to prevent teen pregnancies and STDs. Federal funding for abstinence is set to increase to $131 million this year, which is 30 percent more than was spent in 2004.

Federal funding for abstinence is set to increase to $131 million this year

Researchers surveyed teenagers to discover what program they were using to prevent pregnancy. At the end of the study it was found that 60 percent used abstinence, 17 percent used some form of proven birth control, and the additional 23 percent used ineffective birth control methods or nothing at all. The results were astounding; 95 percent of the abstinence group was able to keep from getting pregnant or catching sexually transmitted diseases.

When a teen began to have sex, they could no longer be included in the abstinence group

The highest incidence of pregnancy and STDs came from the ineffective or none at all group, most of them teens originally in the abstinence group. When a teen began to have sex, they could no longer be included in the abstinence group. The only puzzling factor is the 5% of students in the abstinence group that became pregnant or infected in STDs without reporting that they had had sexual intercourse. Surveys were prepared anonymously by teens who were supervised by their parents.

Researchers were quick to point out that the study did have some flaws. The largest problem was that they were not able to put together an adequately sized control group of teens that had never heard of sex.

To be funded as abstinence education, programs cannot provide instruction in birth control, outside "information about contraceptive methods, such as the failure rates that are associated with the different methods," according to the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services. Health and Human Services is currently paying $4.5 million per year for a large study of several abstinence programs. Interim data that already was supposed to have been released remains unpublished.

posted by NewsBlog 5000  # Monday, January 31, 2005 2 complaints

Vietnam Election Not Really that Bad

After all the talk of a Vietcong terror campaign during the elections, administration officials are pleased by the election turnout in South Vietnam’s presidential election. According to reports from Saigon, 83 per cent of the 5.85 million registered voters cast their ballots yesterday. Many of them risked reprisals threatened by the Vietcong.

Not every region saw the same amount of turnout

Sadly, not every region saw the same amount of turnout, some because of a primarily communist population and some were intimidated by violence in the streets. Also, voter turnout is expected to have been low in the western mountain region which is firmly in the hands of the VC and was being heavily bombarded by the US Calvary units just days before the polls opened.

The election is part of a constitutional process for South Vietnam.

The election is part of a constitutional process for South Vietnam. The election was the culmination of this process which began in January 1966, to which President Johnson gave his full commitment when he met Premier Ky in Honolulu in February. Johnson and Ky also sunbathed, spent the afternoon surfing and then made love under the bright Polynesian moon. Ky later stated that the meeting was very productive and that Johnson was a “surprisingly sensitive” lover.

The real winner in the election today is, of course, President Johnson, who promised elections would go on as planned despite the claims of the communists, his generals and his closest advisors. After mixed reports on the events of the Gulf of Tonkin incident, Johnson had made the elections into a major test of the legitimacy of the war. And the President seemed to have been getting quite sick with anxiety about the elections taking place smoothly. Today, the President’s condition has been upgraded to smug, but restive.

posted by NewsBlog 5000  # Monday, January 31, 2005 0 complaints

(SNN) Jeffery Lee Parson, the creator of Blaster-B internet worm, will spend 18 months in Prison and 3 years on supervision. The 19 year old may also be forced to pay up to $1.2 million in restitution, no small task for a young man with a prison record. The virus contained a secondary payload of a denial of service attack against Microsoft, who incurred the $1.2 million dollar loss cleaning up after the worm.

the creator of Blaster-B internet worm, will spend 18 months in Prison

Parson is exactly what you would expect in the typical virus writer. He is overweight, socially awkward, has received very little parental supervision and has a history of mental illness. It could be theorized that with all these things going for him, it was impossible for Parson not to write a virus.

It's not a healthy thing to lock yourself in a room and create your own reality

Parson’s tech savvy judge showed understanding of the typical internet user. The Internet "has created a dark hole, a dungeon if you will, for people who have mental illnesses or people who are lonely," said US District Judge Marsha Pechman. 'It's not a healthy thing to lock yourself in a room and create your own reality," she concluded. It remains unclear where the judge considers it healthy to create one’s own reality, but the courtroom may be the obvious choice.

Blaster-B infected an estimated 48,000 computers when it spread across the internet in August 2003. The primary effect of the worm was to force backdoor access to infected systems. Appropriately, for the next 18 months, Parson will learn what it is like to be the subject of forced backdoor access.

posted by NewsBlog 5000  # Monday, January 31, 2005 0 complaints

(SNN) After all the talk of people being afraid to leave their houses, businesses closing, 250 car bombs waiting to attack, and a day of terror waiting to happen, millions of people voted in all regions of Iraq yesterday.

The press was kept to a limited number of polling places for covering the election

The climate of the election was far from ideal. There were a number of car bombs and rocket powered grenade attacks, leaving at least 22 dead and dozens wounded. While the press was kept to a limited number of polling places for covering the election, so far it seems that the election was far from the bloodbath that everyone feared. Even in the insurgent focus in the south of Baghdad which has been dubbed the “triangle of death” turnout was solid.

Sadly, not every region saw the same amount of turnout, some because of a primarily Sunni population and some were intimidated by violence in the streets. Also, voter turnout is expected to have been low in Ramadi which is firmly in the hands of insurgents and was being heavily bombed by the US just before the polls opened.

In some primarily Kurdish sections, such as Kirkuk, Arabs and Turkmen boycotted the election

In some primarily Kurdish sections, such as Kirkuk, Arabs and Turkmen boycotted the election claiming that the voting rules favored the Kurds, who got to vote twice and then kick an Arab or Turkmen voter in the shin.

While the election turnout was better than expected, it does not mean that the trouble in Iraq will be over. Many observers fear the election results as much as the insurgency. With low voter turnout among the Sunnis, the Shiites could garner the 67% of the vote, and have huge, relatively unchecked power within the Iraqi government.

The real winner today is of course, President Bush, who promised the elections would go on as planned despite the claims of insurgents, his generals and his closest advisors. After no WMDs have been found, Bush had made the elections into a major test of the legitimacy of the war. And the President seemed to have been getting quite sick with anxiety about the elections taking place smoothly. Today, the President’s condition has been upgraded to smug, but restive.

posted by NewsBlog 5000  # Sunday, January 30, 2005 0 complaints

(SNN) British terrorist suspect, Yusuf Islam, formerly known as singer Cat Stevens will give a concert in the Indonesian capital Jakarta next week. He plans to use this concert to enlist collaborators to form a branch of his mysterious organization, Small Kindness.

The famous terrorist/ singer/ songwriter has written a new song “Indian Ocean”

The famous terrorist/singer/songwriter has written a new song “Indian Ocean” for the event. But Yusuf was quick to say that this was not the kickoff of a comeback tour. "This is not the return of Cat Stevens. I see this as a natural response to express my pain as a Muslim and as an artist," Yusuf said. It is not known whether he will be performing his 1970’s hits such as “Peace Train” and “Wild World”.

Yusuf’s terror connections are wide and deep.

Yusuf was deported from the United States last September after his name appeared on a security watchlist. Yusuf’s terror connections are wide and deep. Lately, there has been chatter that he may be working with Neil Pirmrose from the British group Travis and the ominous Magne Furuholmen of A-HA.

Yusuf will be one of the most prominent artists to perform in Indonesia for several months. A large number of big name acts have cancelled shows due to security concerns. It was feared that Islamic terrorists would use every means at their disposal to blow up Missy Eliot.

posted by NewsBlog 5000  # Saturday, January 29, 2005 1 complaints

(SNN) Many Americans know "of" the Kurds, but how many really know "about" the Kurds. Everyone in the US knows they were gassed by Saddam Hussein. A few Americans even understand that they are somehow our allies and live in a section of Northern Iraq. Today marks the eve of the Iraqi election and it is quite possible that after this election, the Kurds will no longer be a group to be ignored.

Kurds are an ethnic group than spans western Iran, northern Iraq, part of Syria and Southern Turkey.

To start out, let’s examine exactly who the Kurds are. Kurdistan existed as a country from after World War I until 1923. Kurds are an ethnic group than spans western Iran, northern Iraq, part of Syria and Southern Turkey. They are predominately Sunni, but also have Shiites among their members. There is a large population of Kurds that have moved to Western Europe and have been campaigning for a Kurdish state.

So why is it so bad if there is once again a Kurdish state? Well, while it seems like an ideal situation for Iraq, there is fear from Turkey, Iran and Syria that they may lose some of their Kurdish territories to the new Kurdistan. This would especially damage Turkey whose richest oilfields are in Kurdish territory. And Turkey has made it clear that they will consider military action to solidify its border if they catch a hint of Kurdish sovereignty.

This brings us to Iraq’s elections. The few pollsters that have been able to get out in southern Iraq are predicting a low turnout. They say that people are well meaning and almost two thirds of Iraqis want to vote, but pollsters feel that they are too intimidated. There is not really a clear picture though as most pollsters were brutally beaten or imprisoned before they could put together an accurate sample. "In Iraqi society they're not used to seeing people knocking on doors, asking people what they think about politics and the government," said one pollster.

It is expected the Kurds will show up to vote in vast numbers.

But in the relatively autonomous Kurdish North, things are pretty stable. And it is expected that the Kurds will show up to vote in vast numbers, especially as they have been streaming across the borders from Iran, Syria and Turkey, to register to vote. The Kurds negotiated the return of some of the 12,000 Kurds that were forcedly expelled during Saddam’s reign. Since then, several hundred thousand of the twelve thousand have returned. One Kurdish official claimed that the hundreds of thousands of Kurds in Kirkuk is merely a coincidence, and that they had merely stopped by to say “Hi”.

So if the Kurds have a strong showing in the new government, will they take into account that their region is stable and quiet, the rest of the country is plagued with insurgency, they have been horribly mistreated by other Iraqis, and they have the desire to have their own state, and attempt to break away? Or will they be more worried about a Turkish invasion?

While Turkey has threatened to attack Iraq if the Kurdish state looks like a possibility, Kurdish officials have told Turkey that they best way to promote the stability of its borders is to leave the Kurds alone. But Kurds should think twice about challenging Turkey. The last time the two faced off, the Kurds were subjugated for over 400 years.

posted by NewsBlog 5000  # Saturday, January 29, 2005 0 complaints

(SNN) Under pressure from the Secretary of Education, the Public Broadcasting Service has decided not to show a controversial episode of the PBS for Kids show “Postcards from Buster”. The episode, entitled “Sugartime!”, was deemed inappropriate as it featured a same sex couple.

“Postcards from Buster” is an animated travelogue featuring a rabbit in real life situations

“Postcards from Buster” is an animated travelogue featuring a rabbit in real life situations with real people. But in the episode, “Sugartime!”, situations got a little too real for Margaret Spelling. The episode features Buster going to a maple sugar farm in Vermont which is run by a lesbian couple. Buster is introduced to the two mothers in the family, which then sits down to dinner. Things get out of hand at the dinner table when one of the lesbians asks to be given some sugar.

As one of her first acts in office, Spellings demanded that PBS pull the show. Spellings said many parents did not wish their children to be exposed to homosexuals. Spellings went on to say that allowing our children to know about homosexuals went against the whole idea of educational programming, as understanding homosexuality could make children illiterate.

Understanding homosexuality could make children illiterate

The Gay and Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation was quick to condemn Spelling for trying to prevent “inclusive images of same sex families” in government funded programs. "For the Department of Education to try to prevent television programs from depicting gays and lesbians should raise serious concerns for all Americans," said GLAAD Executive Director Joan M. Garry. However, James Dobson’s “Focus on the Family” took precious time out of their fight against Spongebob Squarepants’s homosexual leanings to praise Spelling.

Spelling even went as far as to demand that PBS refund the money that went towards the show's production. This would come as quite a blow to PBS. Public Television is forced to put together a budget consisting of contributions from the federal government, state governments, corporate grants, and viewers like you. It is impossible to stress what a difference just a few extra dollars could make toward bringing you your favorite programs, such as “Are You Being Served” and “Keeping Up Appearances”.

posted by NewsBlog 5000  # Friday, January 28, 2005 1 complaints

Alice

I have always been a shy person. I met my boyfriend at college and it is the first time that I have felt that I’ve loved someone. Since this is my first relationship, I don’t really know how to react to things. Things were going well at first, but after two years, he started asking me if I would have sex with him. I love him very much, but I don’t really want to do it. We’ve tried a couple of times, but I still couldn't make myself do it. Because of this, we have had many arguments. He told me all guys want to have sex, is that true? Why can’t we have a normal relationship like we did in the beginning? I have to agree that he treats me like a princess. But now everything is about sex. I am lost and sad and I feel wounded inside and I don’t know what to do.

Teresa P

TP

There is nothing normal about two college students dating for two years and not having sex. Hell, there is nothing normal about two college students being accidentally locked in a storeroom overnight and not having sex. You virginity is bound to fail, because your own body is working against you. But, you do have a choice. You can lose your virginity in a nice romantic way with the perfect guy, or get drunk and end up with two or four strangers at a keg party. Also, if you feel wounded inside, you may want to consider more lube the next time you try.

Alice

Alice

We had a nun come and give a talk at our church a few weeks ago. After the talk I went out for coffee at a Starbucks near her apartment. I walked her to her apartment and was surprised when she asked me in. When I got inside she kissed me passionately. I had not even kissed a woman in four years, and now a nun had her tongue down my throat. My first instinct was to leave, but she was very attractive and begged me to say. She said even though she was a nun, she had needs and wanted to feel a connection with someone. She then undid my pants and performed oral sex on me. Since then, I made several visits to her apartment with similar results. Well, the other day, she asked me to perform oral sex on her. She took off her clothes in front of me for the first time, and she had a small penis. She said that she had been born with both male and female chromosomes, had always considered herself a woman, and was considered a woman in the eyes of the church. But I am still concerned that if I do this, God will hate me for being a homosexual.

Al H

AH

If you are truly concerned about what God thinks, you probably should have considered this before agreeing to have oral sex with a nun. Beyond that, I’m not sure what God’s rules are in this situation, God was the one that made her a woman with a penis. I can’t really tell you what will save your soul, that’s really a priest’s job, but I can understand why you didn’t want to go to one. I don’t know, maybe one little one wouldn’t be that bad.

Alice

posted by NewsBlog 5000  # Thursday, January 27, 2005 3 complaints

(SNN) Today, President Bush called on Iraqis to vote in this weekend’s elections. “We anticipate a lot of Iraqis will vote,” Bush said. “Clearly, there are some who are intimidated. I urge people to vote. I urge people to vote. I urge people to defy these terrorists. They have no clear view of a better future.”

They have no clear view of a better future.

Bush rejected claims that the war had become to costly and defended his newest request for another $80 billion for military funding in both Iraq and Afghanistan, which will push this year’s budget deficit to $427 billion, the largest budget deficit in history. "The notion somehow we're not making progress I just don't subscribe to. I mean, we're having elections," he said. More than half of Americans now think it unlikely that a stable democracy will emerge in Iraq, according to an AP poll.

Bush predicted that millions of Iraqis would “show bravery” by voting in Sunday’s election.

Bush also cautioned about ending the mission in Iraq too early. “I think the Iraqi people are wondering whether or not this nation has the will necessary to stand with them as a democracy evolves. The enemy would like nothing more than the United States to precipitously pull out and withdraw before the Iraqis are prepared to defend themselves.” Bush then suggested that we could pull troops from Iraq in less than a year, as many of Iraqis have received military training. He then went on to acknowledge that the training they had received was probably inadequate. "That doesn't necessarily mean they're ready,” Bush said. “There's a difference between quantity and quality."

Despite the continuing violence, Bush predicted that millions of Iraqis would “show bravery” by voting in Sunday’s election. But there would be intimidation by insurgents who would target voters and polling stations. He conceded that most voters would be shot in the head, right in the fucking head. "The fact that they're voting in itself is successful," Bush said.

posted by NewsBlog 5000  # Wednesday, January 26, 2005 0 complaints

(SNN) Steve Jobs recently announced that the iTunes online music store had hit 250 million downloads since its 2003 debut. The Apple CEO claimed that people were buying songs from the iTunes service at the rate of 1.25 million per day. "When we launched the iTunes music store we were hoping to sell a million songs in the first six months - now we're selling over a million songs every day, and we've sold over a quarter billion songs in total," Jobs said.

When we launched the iTunes music store we were hoping to sell a million songs in the first six months

This comes in stark contrast to a report by the International Federation of the Phonographic Industry. The IFPI report claimed that 20 million songs were legally distributed in 2003 and 200 million in 2004. This only makes 220 million songs.

Even accepting that Apple has probably sold 30 million songs in the month of January at the rate of 1.25 million songs a day, Apple is not the only player in the online music game. According to the IFPI, there are currently 230 legitimate online music stores. It is estimated that iTunes only accounts for 70% of online music sales. If these numbers are accurate, the iTunes store has uploaded 75 million songs illegally. If the RIAA were to sue Apple, they could be subject to up to $75 trillion in fines.

If these numbers are accurate, the iTunes store as uploaded 75 million songs illegally.

The music industry has been striving to offer alternatives to illegal downloading. Universal for example has made its entire Cantonese catalog available for sale on the internet. "There's a lot more tracks digitized and waiting to go online - it does take time," an IFPI spokesperson said. "And there's the hardware makers going crazy making their fancy gadgets and the iPod." Yes, they actually used the words, “fancy gadgets”.

Meanwhile, the IFPI report when on to say that 2/3 of online music downloaders obtain their music illegally. To fight this, the music industry is trying hard to appeal to people’s consciences, a concept that was completely foreign to them before the advent of the original Napster service. According to some estimates, most serious illegal music downloaders have over 300 million songs in their personal collections.

posted by NewsBlog 5000  # Tuesday, January 25, 2005 1 complaints

(SNN) Today, Pentagon spokesman Larry DiRita denied Donald Rumsfeld’s leadership of a new spy agency within the Department of Defense. DiRita’s statement came only a day after a Washington Post article about the agency.

There is no unit that is directly reportable to the Secretary of Defense

The article claimed that the unit is called the “Strategic Support Branch” and has been operating in Iraq, Afghanistan, Somalia, Yemen, Georgia, the Philipines and other disclosed locations for two years. “There is no unit that is directly reportable to the Secretary of Defense for clandestine operations as is described in the Washington Post article of January 23, 2005,” DiRita said. Obviously the report has gotten some major details wrong. Perhaps the organization is more than two years old, or maybe it is called the “Super Secret Strategic Support Branch”

agents recruited to the SSSSR may include “notorious figures”

The purpose of the organization is to end Rumsfeld’s dependence on the CIA, which he no longer trusts for intelligence gathering, and shift the intelligence gathering responsibility to the DIA, which is one letter higher. With this new group, the DIA wishes to improve its ability in gathering Human Information, or information gathered from spies. Currently, the DIA must gather intelligence though technological means, which can not be influenced by political pressure.

Furthermore the report went on to say that the agents recruited to the SSSSR may include “notorious figures” whose association with the US government would be embarrassing if revealed. This list includes such people as Jacques Verges, Paul Shanley, Yusuf Islam, Michael Jackson, Tanya Harding, and John Waters.

This marks the first time that Rumsfeld has built his own secret spy agency since Omega Force was destroyed in their attempt to attack the Canadian National Tower.

Update 1: In the three hours since the publishing of this article, the Pentagon had admitted that the Strategic Support Branch exists and have given them credit for hidden interrogations and other aspects of the work that narrowed the search for Saddam Hussein. The Pentagon insists that the article in the Washington Post is incorrect because the group does not report to Donald Rumsfeld. Instead, they report to the DIA, which reports to Donald Rumsfeld.

posted by NewsBlog 5000  # Monday, January 24, 2005 0 complaints

This has been a week of monumental occasions. Viktor Yushchenko has been sworn in as the President of Ukraine. Ariel Sharon and Mahmoud Abbas are speaking again and trying to reconcile their differences. The world holds it’s breath for news about Brad and Jennifer. No one could have missed the pageantry of the marriage of Richard Maxwell to Lady Anne. While we thought that those stories were adequately covered by other news agencies, one story that the mainstream media has massively underreported is the inauguration of our own President Bush.

This has been a monumental week for NewsBlog 5000 as well. We have finished our negotiations and become a member of the Sincmil News Network. You may soon start seeing the SNN at the beginning of our articles. In exchange for our creative input, I have been given a seat on the Sincmil Board of Directors, and Skippy has been given a $200 a week expense account, which he plans to spend on some kind of publishing equipment which he calls “the Chronic”. We will also be able to maintain our strategic partnership with the Quality Control Alliance. Under the insistence of Sincmil, we will retain exclusive rights to Alice Humbees.

Dr. Ryan Maynard, Editor

posted by NewsBlog 5000  # Sunday, January 23, 2005 1 complaints

(SNN) It started on Thursday, when William Fried told eighth grade students at Jane Lathrop Stanford Middle School that stripping and exotic dancing could be profitable career choices.

You can earn a tremendous amount of money as an exotic dancer, if that's your desire.

During his career day presentation, “The Secret of a Happy Life”, Fried told girls that stripping could earn them as much as $250,000 a year depending on their bust size. "It's sick, but it's true," Fried told The Associated Press. "The truth of the matter is you can earn a tremendous amount of money as an exotic dancer, if that's your desire."

A sheet that Fried distributes to students includes 140 career choices. The school has asked Fried to give his 55-minute presentation, "The Secret of a Happy Life," for the past three years. Unfortunately for Fried one of the eighth graders actually decided to read the list before throwing it away.

There is more to being an exotic dancer that taking your clothes off for big money.

Fried’s information is technically accurate, but there is more to being an exotic dancer that taking your clothes off for big money. While stripping seems like a good career for many young girls, not everyone can make $250,000 a year. Even with a large bust size, you still need enthusiasm, creativity, dance skills and the desire to turn tricks on the side.

Fried said that he does not think he offended anyone. "Eighth-grade kids are not dumb," he said. "They are pretty worldly." Unfortunately, despite the sophistication of the eighth graders, not everyone can be as worldly as a 13 year old. "I don't think that your natural or implant-inflated bust size is what our schools aim to nurture," school board member Mandy Lowell said. "My aspiration is not to have children in this district become exotic dancers.”

posted by NewsBlog 5000  # Saturday, January 22, 2005 1 complaints

(SNN) George W Bush took his second term oath of office yesterday. Bush promised to dedicate his presidency to the spread of democracy and freedom “with the ultimate goal of ending tyranny in our world. But many are afraid of the implications of bringing democracy to other countries.

Many are afraid of the implications of bringing democracy to other countries.

One of these people is Shirley Lentan, a 27 year old student. Shirley pointed out a possible problem in the democracy and freedom plan. “What if we like, made Iran a democracy, and then they voted against freedom. But then we came back and said they had to be free, would we be taking their democracy away?”

Thad Cankus, a self described slacker, was thinking along the same lines as Shirley. “What if we invade a country, and they vote to become a dictatorship? Do we have to invade them again? What if we think a country’s a dictatorship and we invade it by accident? Bush says that we’re going to like treat leaders as well as they treat their people. What if Kim Jong-Il said, ‘I’m not going to be nice to you until you let a total dickhead run your country.’? And does this mean that we aren’t going to do any business with China anymore? Because if it does, I’m going to go buy one of those really cheap mini fridges, before we can’t get them anymore.”

What about countries that are democracies and are still all messed up?

Others were quick to point out historical examples. Red Taylor, an investment banker from Utah, said, “I’m not sure that democracy is the best form of government. Look at Canada, they almost voted to split their country in half. They are a democracy, and despite that, they nearly became a divided nation. I’m glad nothing like that has ever happened here.”

Brett Mauseberger, a 44 year old guidance councilor, had a different opinion. “What about countries that are democracies and are still all messed up?” Mauseberger asked. “If France doesn’t get its act together soon, it is looking at a life working in the food service industry.”

It is clear that Bush’s inaugural speech has left many people with more questions than answers. But one message is clear: We are planning to do things that we may or may not do to our enemies or out friends and the may not like them. While stating some very broad goals, the speech left everyone very little in the way of details.

posted by NewsBlog 5000  # Friday, January 21, 2005 0 complaints

Alice

My girlfriend and I are at the point in our relationship where we either start living together, get married, or end it. We can’t get to this next step, because I can not figure out a way for our pets to get along. My dog absolutely wants to kill her cat. I’m not exaggerating. If he gets a hold of this cat, he will kill it. Does our relationship have to end because our pets can’t get along?

Randy G

RG

Your letter reads like the worst movie plot ever. But the solution should be simple. If you really like this girl, get rid of your dog. If you can’t give up a dog for her, maybe you are not ready for the “next step”. If you really do like this girl, but don’t want to deal with the pet situation, just arrange for her cat to disappear. If you don’t have the stomach to do it yourself, hire a hitman. Many who get into that business have a history of cruelty to animals. You may be able to find one that will do cats for cheap or even free.

Alice

Alice

I am a married man with 3 beautiful kids and a working wife. My supervisor is 12 years my junior and also married. Although we have not had sex, we are deeply in love. She’s always sending me love emails and poems. I find myself working later and later at night just so I can be with her. Nobody else knows about this relationship, but I need to tell someone about it.

Tim L

TL

It sounds to me that your supervisor has found all that she wants and all that she needs: an employee that will work limitless amounts of overtime without complaint. Of course, I could be wrong. See if she actually will have sex with you. That will tell you if she is really in love with you or just using you for cheap labor. There is a possibility that she is using you for cheap labor and will still have sex with you, but in that case, at least you are being compensated.

Alice

posted by NewsBlog 5000  # Thursday, January 20, 2005 0 complaints

Not many people know this, but our President, George W. Bush, belongs to a small Judean spin off cult that calls themselves Christians. As part of Bush’s inauguration, he has invited two of the clergymen of this cult to speak on its behalf. But someone would try to oppress this minority that consists of only 87% of the country.

George W. Bush, belongs to a small Judean spin off cult that calls themselves Christians.

The name of that someone is Michael Newdow. This intolerant right wing atheist has gone as far as the Supreme Court to try to take away George W. Bush’s religious freedom. Newdow’s Lawyer, Michael Newdow, said the following, “As an atheist, [Newdow] cannot in good conscience attend an exercise where his government forces him to endure religious dogma he finds highly disagreeable.” Last year, Newdow entered the national spotlight when he tried to return the pledge of allegiance to its original form by removing the words “under God”.

If high court decided not to allow the prayer, it would obviously come as quite a shock to Bush. Bush seems almost addicted to prayer. He prays before sleeping, before eating, before giving a speech, and even sometimes before going to the toilet. Bush has prayed on the plane, Air Force One. Bush has prayed in the rain. Bush has prayed while mocking the lockbox. Bush has prayed while shown on Fox. Bush has prayed in the White House. Bush has prayed for Mickey Mouse. He has even been known to pray before praying, just to get himself “in the mood”.

The inauguration will go on as scheduled despite Newdow’s religious bigotry.

Fortunately, the high court has done its job to protect the rights of minorities. Both Judge William Rehnquist and Judge John Paul Stevens denied an emergency injunction request filed by Newdow. So now it seems that the inauguration will go on as scheduled despite Newdow’s religious bigotry. Newdow said that he would drop his plans to go to the inauguration.

But this raised another question for Christians. The ultimate attainment for one of the Christian faith is to reach a place called heaven. The Church is split into many groups, or what they call “dominicans”. Many believe there is only dominican that can help them reach heaven. But, Bush has scheduled a clergyman from two dominicans: one from his father’s church, Episcopalian, and one from his church, Methodist. So which should Christians follow, the father or the son? Fortunately, the Christian holy book offers some guidance, “He that believeth not the Son shall not see life.”

posted by NewsBlog 5000  # Wednesday, January 19, 2005 1 complaints

A New Yorker article produced a response from the pentagon yesterday that was later denied by President Bush. The report, titled “The Coming Wars”, was presented in Sunday’s New Yorker and was written by journalist Seymour Hersh. Hersh claimed that U.S. Special Forces were already conducting covert operations in Iran attempting to gain information on Iran’s Nuclear Capability.

Hersh claimed that U.S. Special Forces were already conducting covert operations in Iran

Hersh stated that President Bush used a series of executive orders to authorize secret commando groups and other Special Forces military units to conduct secret operations against targets in as many as 10 nations in the Middle East and South Asia. In Hersh’s words, “The American task force, aided by the information from Pakistan, has been penetrating eastern Iran from Afghanistan in a hunt for underground installations.”

The report caused Pentagon chief spokesman, Lawrence DiRita, to make a statement on Monday. DiRita claimed that the report was "so riddled with errors of fundamental fact that the credibility of his entire piece is destroyed." When asked to point out some specific errors in the report, DiRita said that the findings were based "rumor, innuendo, and assertions about meetings that never happened, programs that do not exist and statements by officials that were never made." When asked about the Executive Orders from the President, DiRita stuck his fingers in his ears and said, “Na Na Na Na, I can’t here you.”

Meanwhile, the Defense Department refused to make any hard statements about the missions in Iran. This might have caused many to wonder why the Pentagon had so many spokespeople around who couldn’t comment on anything. Fortunately, Defense Department spokesman Lt. Col. Barry Venable was there to save face for Pentagon spokespeople and plainly sum up the entire scope of their job. "We don't discuss missions, capabilities or activities of Special Operations forces,” Venable said.

the Defense Department refused to make any hard statements about the missions in Iran.

While the Pentagon was denying preparations for war, President Bush made a statement again bringing up the possibility of a war with Iran. "I hope we can solve it diplomatically, but I will never take any option off the table," the President said during an interview. This statement came after the bad news that the IAEA had reached an agreement over nuclear inspections with Brazilian officials. Known for its beautiful beaches and bikini clad women, Brazil seemed like a much better target for invasion.

Iran has consistently denied having nuclear weapons, but did announce last October that it had conducted successful tests of its Shahab-3 ballistic missile, which is capable of launching a warhead more than 2,000 kilometers, or the distance of about 3 Canadian football fields.

So far, UN Chief Inspector Mohamed ElBaradei has refused to declare Iran in breach of international nuclear nonproliferation treaties. But, the UN does not have a very good track record after failing to find Weapons of Mass Destruction in Iraq, and the foul language used by Hans Blix.

posted by NewsBlog 5000  # Tuesday, January 18, 2005 1 complaints

Colin Powell made a shocking revelation on National Public Radio last week. While he would not give a date when all the troops would be home, Powell said that Americans could begin leaving Iraq this year as the Iraqis take on a larger security role. Bush later refuted these comments in an extensive interview with the Washington Posts.

Powell has been seen as the red headed stepchild of the administration.

Members of the Bush Administration have long sparred with Powell. Powell has been seen as the red headed stepchild of the administration. This is mainly because many of them are afraid that it might be racist to call him a black sheep. Many members of the administration come from the business world and are afraid that the former chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff and decorated combat veteran could not act in a brutal enough fashion to handle the War on Terror.

In his Washington Post interview, Bush said that the US military would pull out of Iraq “as quickly as possible.” He went on to say, "The way I would put it is, American troops will be leaving as quickly as possible, but they won't be leaving until we have completed our mission."

"Well, we had an accountability moment, and that's called the 2004 election," Bush said.

Bush went on to say that the American people had backed his management of the war on terror at the ballot box. "Well, we had an accountability moment, and that's called the 2004 election," Bush said. "And the American people listened to different assessments made about what was taking place in Iraq, and they looked at the two candidates, and they chose me, for which I'm grateful." Unlike his other speeches about the election, Bush did not mention the service record or liberal attitudes of John Kerry.

Many wonder why Bush would go out on such a limb as to challenge the opinion of a man who is quite obviously superior to him in every respect. The answer is simple: Jealousy. Powel not only rated an NPR interview before Bush’s inaugural event, but also Powell’s chief deputy Rich Armitage has been on NPR recently as well. Bush was obviously upset at only rating a Washington Post interview, as it is well known that he does not read newspapers.

Bush took heavy flack when, in 2003, he claimed that he did not read the newspapers, but was very unhappy with the way they had covered his administration. Bush said that he preferred being briefed by Condoleezza Rice to reading the newspaper, which led many analysts to believe that he needed Rice to read the paper to him. Despite these allegations of illiteracy, a recent poll showed that 76% of the country was satisfied that Bush could read at a fourth grade level.

posted by NewsBlog 5000  # Monday, January 17, 2005 1 complaints

With nothing really happening in the world until the Golden Globes, the one thing that everyone is thinking about is what the first family will be wearing to the inaugural ball. While the first family has been accused of being boring and fundamentalist, I know that’s just not true. I know deep down in my heart that the Bush family just wants to be fabulous. But the question remains: While Bush has raised political capital, can he raise hemlines?

Can you really see W in a tuxedo and cowboy boots?

Let’s start with the First Cutey Himself, W. If he goes traditional, there’s not a lot he can do. Can you really see W in a tuxedo and cowboy boots? This is the man that started a 2 front war and has threatened many other countries. He needs something with authority. I’m definitely thinking something similar to that armored outfit with the skirt that we saw Collin Farrel wear in Alexander. The armor says, “I’m a tough war President out to conquer the world”, while the skirt says, “I can be compassionate and feminine.”

First Lady Laura Bush always presents a dilemma. You know she’s got to be wild to be married to a hellion like W, but she wants everyone to think that she’s a mild mannered librarian. Well, Laura, I don’t care if you’re a Librarian, First Lady or a Stripper, I just want you to be fabulous as your husband. Now, it is well know that she will be wearing a custom made Oscar de la Renta V-neck, YAWN. I think there is a way that you can be the First Lady and turn some heads, Laura. I see Laura as the ultimate librarian dominatrix with platform vinyl boots. When Laura tells you to be quiet, you will obey.

The twins have a whole trashy sorority girl debutante thing going, but that is so 1984.

The twins have a whole trashy sorority girl debutante thing going, but that is so 1984. I want Barbara and Jenna strictly hip hop. Let’s show people that just because Diddy isn’t down with daddy doesn’t mean that you aren’t down with Diddy. Maybe something like the BabyPhat zip front skirtall for Barbara and the V-crossover Tunic with black flared jeans for Jenna?

Despite being kicked out, Colin Powel will no doubt be in attendance at the ball. To Powell, I offer this simple suggestion. You are the first African American Secretary of state. Show your pride. Wear a dressy, yet understated Dashiki.

That leaves us with Condi Rice. I have one piece of advice for you, wearing mannish suits does not show you as a powerful black woman. If you really want to be respected as Secretary of State, think Cleopatra Jones.

Adrian Chevelle, Arts and Leisure

posted by NewsBlog 5000  # Sunday, January 16, 2005 2 complaints

Facing increasing criticism over his Social Security plan, President Bush today said that "saving Social Security is an economic challenge. But it is also a profound moral obligation." The President went on to say that to delay fixing the problem now would only make the problem worse. However, many not only disapprove of the President’s plan; many insist that Social Security is not in peril at all.

Many insist that Social Security is not in peril at all.

The first problem lies with two conflicting forecasts by government agencies. The Social Security trustees, which includes Bush’s Treasury Secretary John Snow, claims that the fund will pay out more in benefits that it collects in taxes by 2018. In the trustee’s projection the fund will completely run out of cash in 2042. Meanwhile, the Congressional Budget office believes that the program could meet 100% of all commitments until 2052.

Bush’s plan will cost trillions of dollars in transition money

And of course, even if it were certain that the program was in as much trouble as President Bush claims it is, there is the question of how to fix it. Bush wants to privatize a portion of Social Security for young people and has also said that he will veto any plan that includes a tax increase. However, many say that Bush’s plan will cost trillions of dollars in transition money and believe a slight increase in either taxes or the retirement age could solve the problem.

While some find Bush’s plan difficult to understand, it can be easily explained with this analogy. Say your father put money into an account his entire life for his retirement, but your grandfather was drawing out a large portion of the money for his retirement. Then you started paying into the fund so that your father could retire. Then you borrowed the money in the account and started paying in interest and your portion into the account. Then the nursing home your father was living in asked for more money, and you calculate that the increase in money will either run through the money you owe the account or it will not. You decide you don’t want to start paying more into the account, but you’ve heard that there is money to be made in the stock market. Now you know the interest you’ve been making on the account is outpacing the market in general, but you believe you should be able to beat the average. So, you start investing some of the money you put into the account and investing in into the stock market. You then take out a large loan so that you can keep paying for your dad’s nursing home, and make the interest payments of that loan out of your own budget. Your own budget is already heavily in debt, but you figure a raise should be coming any day now. And if all else fails, your children can make up the difference. It just doesn’t get any simpler than that.

posted by NewsBlog 5000  # Saturday, January 15, 2005 0 complaints

The National Intelligence Council has released a report called Project 2020. In this report, the CIA committee makes many predictions, but perhaps the most frightening is the emergence of India as a world entertainment superpower. Unlike other documents released from the CIA recently, this one was not classified.

The integration of 1 billion low paid workers going to films will cause global shifts

Council vice-chairman David Gordon said that the world ahead could mean "a very bumpy ride." Also, Gordon stated that the integration of 1 billion low paid workers going to films will cause global shifts, economically, politically and culturally. "Of course, the United States is in good shape to participate in this world, but it will be a world that will be much more competitive for us," Gordon said.

According to the report, by 2020 Bollywood should outshine Hollywood as the center of entertainment. The report predicts that Bollywood will, in the near future, look like Hollywood. The CIA panel went on to say that they feared Bollywood would soon start to use the plotlines of western spy thrillers. "Our greatest concern is that terrorists might acquire biological agents or, less likely, a nuclear device, either of which could cause mass causalities," the report said.

Our greatest concern is that terrorists might acquire biological agents

The report did stipulate that Bollywood will only become a player in world entertainment if directors are allowed to add more romance and sex scenes. However, the report sites the hot scenes between Aishwarya Rai and Sanjay Dutt in their new film ‘Shabd’. Even Rai who had vowed never to give in to the modern trends of the Hindi film industry, realized that her status would be adversely affected if she continued to follow more traditional standards.

Over 1000 analysts worked on the Project 2020 report. However, because of tight budgets and number of people leaving the CIA due to the leadership of Porter Goss, most of the preparation of the report had to be farmed out to India.

posted by NewsBlog 5000  # Friday, January 14, 2005 0 complaints

Alice

Recently, I ran into an old girlfriend of my husband. We talked for awhile and she told me she had sex with my husband after we were married. She said that it was only once, but now I am constantly paranoid that he is with other women whenever he is away from me. I think that I have a good marriage and I don’t want to leave my husband, but I am not sure if I can trust him anymore.

Amy M

AM

Trust is the cornerstone of a good marriage. Cheating is something that just can not be tolerated. If you can not trust your husband, then you do not have a good marriage. You have to decide if you can ever trust him again. That will tell you whether or not to leave your husband.

Alice

Alice

My wife’s best friend, Jill, came on to me the other night. She says that her husband would be ok with it. I would really like to have sex with her, but I’m afraid that my wife would be appalled that I am lusting after her girlfriend and shocked that I want to have sex with other women. I want to have a good relationship with my wife, but I would enjoy a little variety. What should I do?

Rod E

RE

You must not, under any circumstances let you wife know what you are thinking. This is what makes a good relationship work. Eventually, all good relationships end in infidelity. It is what will keep your marriage together. It is your duty never to let your wife know what is really going on. And whatever you do, don’t feel guilty. If you are feeling a little bit bored, she’s probably cheating on you already.

Alice

Alice

Lately, whenever my wife and I have sex, she starts to giggle. We have been married for a few years and this has only started recently. This has started to make me feel uncomfortable. Is there something wrong?

Jacques M

JM

Remember, giggling does not mean she is laughing at you. Giggling can also be a expression of abandon and delight. The best way to find out what your wife is feeling is to just ask her. Just remember, when she tells you that she is laughing at you, thank her for her honesty.

Alice

posted by NewsBlog 5000  # Thursday, January 13, 2005 0 complaints

Today the 1700 member Iraq Survey Group were re-assigned to other counter-insurgency efforts. This effectively ends the search for weapons of mass destruction. While no evidence of banned weapons or even the capability to create them was found, White House Press Secretary Scott McClellan remained positive. "There may be a couple, a few people that are focused on that," McClellan said.

Charles Duelfer, a CIA special adviser and leader of ISG, will deliver a full report next month.

Charles Duelfer, a CIA special adviser and leader of ISG, will deliver a full report next month. The final report is expected to be a revision of Duelfer’s September report that states that Saddam not only had no weapons of mass destruction and had not made any since 1991, but that Saddam lacked the capability to produce additional weapons.

In a speech to the UN in 2003, Colin Powell had claimed "irrefutable and undeniable" evidence that Iraq was hiding banned weapons. "I cannot tell you everything that we know, but what I can share with you, when combined with what all of us have learned over the years, is deeply troubling," Powell said. In April 2004, Powell admitted his evidence was not as irrefutable as it had seemed at the time, "It appears not to be the case that it was that solid." This was frustrating for Powell, who is not used to having reliability problems. It has been suggested that Powell never would have presented his stuff to the UN if he had been even slightly uncertain about his ability to keep it solid.

At the black tie dinner, Bush showed a slideshow including shots where he was looking under furniture in the Oval office for the weapons.

This news comes as no surprise to many as the search for WMD has become a joke even to Bush. Bush drew heavy flack from some families of dead and injured soldiers when he joked at a media dinner that WMD had been found. At the black tie dinner, Bush showed a slideshow including shots where he was looking under furniture in the Oval office for the weapons. The slideshow also included pictures of Bush giving a full body cavity search to Karl Rove.

Members of the Administration are undoubtedly hoping that they can put this embarrassment behind them. It is certain that Donald Rumsfeld is hoping that Bush will stop telling him, “Hey, I got your WMD right here” and “Pull my finger, and I’ll reveal the location of some Mustard Gas”. Bush has appointed a panel to report on why the intelligence about Iraq's weapons was wrong.

posted by NewsBlog 5000  # Wednesday, January 12, 2005 0 complaints

Israel’s Prime Minister, Ariel Sharon, phoned Mahmoud Abbas, the new Palestinian President, today to offer congratulations on Abbas’s election victory. While they only spoke for 10 minutes, the phone conversation was the highest level contact between the Israeli and Palestinian governments in years. "Mr. Abbas and Mr. Sharon spoke about ways to revive the peace process and about a meeting between the two, which will be set up in the next few days," said a spokesman for Abbas.

"This first meeting is very, very important"

Sharon and Abbas met in 2003 hoping for a positive relationship, but Abbas gave up in frustration after finding Arafat to be too controlling. A Sharon aid said that Mr. Abbas and Mr. Sharon were hoping they could set a date to meet in the near future.

Upon that date, Sharon would be looking for what every world leader looks for in a relationship. Sharon will be trying to discover if Abbas will be able to provide him with security. "This first meeting is very, very important," the Israeli foreign minister, Silvan Shalom, said in an interview today. "It should be well prepared; we should make sure that the outcome is a positive one."

Religious and ethnic differences are still going to be a major problem.

Trust issues definitely have to be going through Abbas’s head. After being hurt by Arafat, can Sharon ever trust a Palestinian again? It is apparent from his refusal to speak to Arafat before his death that Sharon still was unable to forgive him for four years of vicious fighting. But with 1/3 of his party losing faith in him and at the age of 76, Sharon must be feeling the pressure of the clock.

Always a problem in a new relationship, religious and ethnic differences are still going to be a major problem. But world leaders have urged Abbas and Sharon to take this opportunity. President Bush has also invited Abbas to the White House for relationship advice, and Bush obviously would provide some exceptional advice, considering his affectionate relationship with Tony Blair.

posted by NewsBlog 5000  # Tuesday, January 11, 2005 0 complaints

Michael Moore’s controversial film “Fahrenheit 9/11” was the winner of the Favorite Movie award Sunday at the 31st Annual People’s Choice Awards. The controversial film was a biting commentary on the performance of President Bush in office. Moore accepted the award from the very presidential Martin Sheen.

Moore looked like he had received a makeover from Queer Eye for the Straight Guy

Moore looked like he had received a makeover from Queer Eye for the Straight Guy, as he eschewed his trademark baseball cap and denim for a suit and trendy glasses. And he remained on his best behavior during the night, giving high praise to Mel Gibson who won a Favorite Drama award for “The Passion of the Christ”. "I thought it was a powerful piece of filmmaking," Moore told AP Radio Sunday.

Michael Moore said on his website that a vote for “Fahrenheit 9/11” was a vote against President Bush.

But this win comes amid controversy that the electronic voting system used to tabulate the people’s choice votes was not accurately counted. In the past, a Gallup poll has been used to pick the films, but this year marked the first where the internet allowed people to vote directly for their choice. Some went as far as to say that overzealous movie lovers would go as far as to vote for the favorite nominee more than once.

Some critics have contended that there is no such thing as a secure electronic vote without a paper trail. But why would anyone purposefully tamper with the voting systems of the people’s choice awards? Michael Moore said on his website that a vote for “Fahrenheit 9/11” was a vote against President Bush. "He may have been (barely) the people's choice on Nov. 2, but now the people get to vote again," Moore wrote. It is not yet clear whether Bush will step down pending the results of a recount.

posted by NewsBlog 5000  # Monday, January 10, 2005 4 complaints

An audit of Homeland Security money spent in Texas has shown the state is misusing almost $600 million dollars in grant money. This includes equipment purchased for non-security related activities as well as purchases where a conflict of interest was involved. The report said that the Texas Engineering Extension Service, which oversees the grant program, has no way of enforcing whether the money is spent appropriately. The audit’s findings corroborate allegations made in a September report by the Dallas Morning News.

The audit’s findings corroborate allegations made in a September report by the Dallas Morning News.

Perhaps the biggest story is that of a misused trailer. This trailer, bought with grant money was purchased as emergency equipment. Since it has been purchased, the “equipment” trailer has been used to take lawnmowers to lawnmower drag races, help deputies and their girlfriends move, and import cheap labor from Mexico. In once instance, deputies accepted $80,000 to take 400 cases of beef from Texarkana to Atlanta, GA. The same agency that bought the trailer also has a grant pending for a ’77 Trans Am, a cowboy hat and a moustache so they can get to the site of a terrorist attack more quickly.

The “equipment” trailer has been used to take lawnmowers to lawnmower drag races

While Texas would be well advised to start checking up on how the grant money is spent, they should be careful not to become overly zealous. Last month, an AP article lamented the fortunes of Sheriff Dan Mack of Hamilton County, South Dakota. Sheriff Mack had purchased a Dodge Durango with Homeland Security grant money, and was prohibited from using the SUV for police work not directly related to a terrorist attack.

As a result of this report, it is recommended that six more full time auditors, nicknamed “Smokeys” should be hired to monitor the program. The Texas Engineering Extensions Service agrees with the recommendations. For the time being, the office will require some grant recipients to regularly report on how they use equipment purchased with grant money.

posted by NewsBlog 5000  # Sunday, January 09, 2005 0 complaints

Northwest Airlines has become the most recent company to cut fares for business travelers. They also removed a Saturday stay over restriction on some of their fares. This comes a day after Delta restructured its fare structure. "We have reduced our unrestricted fares in many of the markets we serve, including our hubs," Northwest spokesman Kurt Ebenhoch said.

This comes a day after Delta restructured its fare structure.

Lately travelers, especially business travelers, are becoming fed up with the hassles associated with flying. Some travelers are even choosing to drive on shorter trips, rather than fly. Airlines are hoping that they can lure back business customers by making prices between last minute fares and fare booked in advance more consistent.

They have grown to be the 4th largest airline in the world

Emerging from the late 80s when Public Enemy had rewritten the rules of hardcore rap, NWA was founded by Eazy-E, Ice Cube and Dr. Dre. Although suffering rocky times with Ice Cube leaving in 1989 and Dr. Dre’s departure in 1992, they have grown to be the 4th largest airline in the world, serving more than 900 cities.

This rate change comes just two weeks after Dr. Dre progeny 50 Cent was forced to return to the US from Nigeria after a problem with first class seating. Details of the problem are still sketchy. “For now, we are not prepared to talk about this messy affair. Be patient, we will talk at the appropriate time," said a Nigerian spokesman.

posted by NewsBlog 5000  # Saturday, January 08, 2005 0 complaints

At an emergency conference in Jakarta yesterday, Secretary General of the UN, Kofi Annan, urged countries to quickly deliver the money they have promised for tsunami relief. Specifically, he asked for one quarter of the money be delivered in the next sixth months.

It is estimated that the aid efforts of the next six months will cost $977 million.

While over $4 billion has been pledged, much of the money is to come in the form of reconstruction loans within the next five years. It is estimated that the aid efforts of the next six months will cost $977 million. This includes $229 million for food and agricultural assistance, $222 million for shelter and other urgent items and $122 million for health care.

"I am launching an appeal for the immediate international relief effort which the United Nations is undertaking in Indonesia, the Maldives, Sri Lanka, the Seychelles and Somalia," Annan said. "This initial appeal is in addition to the $59 million which our partners in the Red Cross and Red Crescent have asked for."

There is concern all of the money might not be delivered.

There is concern all of the money might not be delivered. Commonly in major disasters money is initially pledged while the issue can garner attention, but many of the pledges are never paid in full.

Annan has offered to go above and beyond in the collection of this money by making a personal offer. Until the UN is ready to distribute the $977 million dollars, Annan says that, for the sake of convenience, he is willing to hold the money in his personal checking account. This will also make transfer of funds easier, as Kofi can accept Visa, MasterCard, American Express and PayPal payments.

posted by NewsBlog 5000  # Friday, January 07, 2005 0 complaints

This week, I have set aside my usual column “Go Ask Alice” to speak about something I find important, both as a citizen and a journalist.
-Alice Humbees

The Department of Education paid a pundit to promote the No Child Left Behind Act.

A contract obtained by the Freedom of Information Act shows that the Department of Education paid a pundit to promote the No Child Left Behind Act. The Department wished to build support for the law among black families. Not only was he paid to regularly comment on the law during his show, but to also encourage other commentators to bring up the act during their broadcasts.

The Pundit, Armstrong Williams, is the host of a nationally syndicated television show. He also brought Education Secretary Rod Paige to TV and radio Spots to promote the law. Williams’s contract was part of a $1 million deal with the Ketchum public relations firm. Williams also convinced Steve Harvey to invite Paige onto his show twice.

As both a citizen and a journalist, I find this behavior utterly reprehensible.

On Thursday, Williams claimed that he understands how his critics could find accepting huge amounts of money unethical, but "I wanted to do it because it's something I believe in."

As both a citizen and a journalist, I find this behavior utterly reprehensible. The Department of Education paid $1 million dollars to alter public opinion of a law that President Bush used as a centerpiece of his reelection campaign. While Newsblog 5000 does not have the readership of some publications, I would have written any number of articles in support of that crappy law for only $10,000 or even $5,000. Hell, I’d probably do it for $.50 a word, but I did not see one red cent.

Alice Humbees, Opinions

posted by NewsBlog 5000  # Friday, January 07, 2005 0 complaints

In compliance with Delaware law, we bring to you the instigator of the year. This is a person who excelled in producing useless news in 2004.

Runner Up: Michael Moore

Director of Fahrenheit 9/11, the film that attempted to topple the administration of President George W. Bush

“I forgot out there on the stage to thank my cast. So if I could do that now, I want to thank Mr. Bush, Mr. Cheney, Paul Wolfowitz and Donald Rumsfeld.”

“What I meant to say is that George W. Bush is a deserter, an election thief, a drunk driver, a WMD liar, and a functional illiterate.”

posted by NewsBlog 5000  # Thursday, January 06, 2005 0 complaints

The 25th Sexual Agenda met for the first time Tuesday. The Lesbian Party boosted their majority over the Gays for 8 seats in the thirteen member board or directors. The 25th Sexual Agenda may be more lesbian than the last, but gay analysts say this new session could be one of the most contentious in years.

The Homosexual Agenda was created in 1980, after a golf course discussion by three young but powerful gay men. They began discussing the power that the song “YMCA” was having on the straight community. While they knew nothing about the music or entertainment industries, gay leaders theorized that if they could infiltrate the entertainment industries, they could slowly turn the entire world gay. From those humble beginnings, the Agenda has grown to a board of 13 directors. In addition to the directors, there are over five hundred agents have infiltrated organizations all over America, city councils, recording studios, movie studios, churches and schools.

They wish to eradicate Conservative Christianity

The short term goals of the Homosexual agenda are simple. First, they wish to eradicate Conservative Christianity, which views them as deviant and sinful. Secondly, they want to enact legislation that makes it nearly impossible not to be gay. Finally, they wish to make homosexuality completely socially acceptable. Many have pointed out that if they though it was ok to have relations with the same sex, they never would have bothered to try to understand the opposite sex.

When the short term goals off the homosexual community are reached, they believe that they will reap their ultimate reward: the eradication of the human race through decreased birthrates. What asked why they wanted to bring about the extinction of humanity, a lesbian spokesman said, “It’s just something of a hobby. We don’t take it too seriously”

posted by NewsBlog 5000  # Thursday, January 06, 2005 0 complaints

Francis Harris gained nationwide attention in an Associated Press article. The 59 year old Grandmother claimed that she was pregnant with twins. It is now unclear whether she was ever pregnant at all. “The family of Mrs. Frances Harris regrets that this situation has occurred and apologizes for any inconvenience that may have caused,” said the statement, signed by Mrs. Harris and her son. “At this time, the family wishes to put this situation behind them and will not be making any more statements.”

The family of Mrs. Frances Harris regrets that this situation has occurred

Harris was under the care of Affinity Health Group, in Tifton. Officials from Affinity health group refused to comment. "We have no statements to make," Affinity spokeswoman Venita Kennedy said. It is unknown whether anyone actually checked with Harris’s doctors before the admission of her family. It probably would have been a good idea.

Harris’s daughter described her mother as grouchy

Harris is not answering her door or her phone, nor has she spoken to reporters for weeks. Originally, reporters were told that the twins were due on the 21st of December. When that date passed, a new date of December 28th was given by Harris’s daughter. At the time, Harris’s daughter described her mother as grouchy and complaining of having minor contractions.

What remains to be seen is if this news report will spread doubts on other claims made by the people of rural Georgia, such as the claim by Fred Jacobson, 78, that North Korea is trying to take over the Atlanta Braves, the theory of an unknown man claiming that Coke Classic is really New Coke, the statement by former Senator Zell Miller claiming that he had invented nacho cheese in the can, and multiple incidents of “probing”.

posted by NewsBlog 5000  # Wednesday, January 05, 2005 0 complaints

In a closed door session last night, Majority Leader Tom DeLay asked other House Republican leaders to abandon their plans to change House ethics rules. This follows growing indications of dissention within the GOP. Some GOP members believed that the party was sending the wrong message to its constituents.

DeLay has been linked to an investigation into political fundraising in Texas.

The proposals were aimed at weakening the ethical standards to which House members are held accountable. These proposals included more rigidly and narrowly defining the type of accusation that the House Ethics Committee would consider, and the elimination of a rule that required a House member to step down from their post in the even that they were indicted for illegal behavior.

The party has been accused of attempting to protect the well-liked House Majority Leader Tom DeLay. DeLay has been linked to an investigation into political fundraising in Texas. DeLay has already caused a bit of controversy by maintaining that it was legitimate to allow a leader to retain power whilst under indictment.

Representatives felt so strongly that they were compelled to make confusing sports analogies.

There have been growing fears within the Republican Party that rule changes would cause image problems for the party and could effect mid-term elections. Some Representatives felt so strongly that they were compelled to make confusing sports analogies. “It's never a good idea when you're involved in a road race or any other athletic contest to tie your shoelaces together. It's not a good thing to do right out of the gate,'' said Representative J.D. Hayworth (R-AZ).

This move could be foreshadowing a year of horrible infighting between members of the Republican Party. After already fighting a rather bitter battle over intelligence reform, many member of the GOP still have widely differing opinions on issues such as revamping the tax code, limiting liability awards, reforming Social Security and whether to tighten the borders.

Democrats are viewing this change of plans as a double edged sword.

Democrats are viewing this change of plans as a double edged sword. While welcoming the idea of a divided GOP tearing themselves apart like a pack of wolves, many were looking quite forward to the changes. There will be many a lobbyist-paid-for late January vacation cancelled in Washington today.

The rule change was meant to be the highlight of the first day of the 109th Congress, and many Representatives were looking forward to arguing the issue. Instead they will start off with the swearing in of new members and a viewing of Representative Zach Wamp’s (R-TN) stamp collection. "It allows the Republicans to focus on the issues, the agenda that is before us and not to have Tom DeLay be the issue," said Wamp. "I feel like we have just taken a shower."

posted by NewsBlog 5000  # Tuesday, January 04, 2005 2 complaints

Former First Lady, Lady Bird Johnson was at home and feeling better Monday. The widow of former President Lyndon B Johnson had to receive intravenous antibiotics, but is now doing fine. "She's doing great, she really is," said spokeswoman Betty Tilson.

"She's doing great, she really is," said spokeswoman Betty Tilson.

Texas’s first First Lady was born in Shreveport, LA on December of 1912. She was married to President Johnson in 1934. Through the years, she has become know as a ardent environmentalist and is a trustee of the American Conservation association.

After the tsunami, Lady Bird was treated at Seton Hospital for Bronchitis. In the end it was Mrs. Johnson’s determination that helped her to survive this horrible disaster. Quite fortunately, she was in Texas at the time the disaster occurred.

posted by NewsBlog 5000  # Monday, January 03, 2005 2 complaints

Reports are saying that the Defense Department and the CIA are asking the Bush Administration for funding to build a modern prison for detainees held in Guantanamo. These detainees are deemed dangerous to the security of the United States, but prosecutors lack the evidence to give them a trial.

The Defense Department is currently holding 500 prisoners in Guantanamo Bay.

The Defense Department is currently holding 500 prisoners in Guantanamo Bay. Of these, they estimate 200 will never be released. While to some this may seems shocking, Bryan Whitman, a Pentagon spokesman, was quoted as saying, "This has been evolutionary, but we are at a point in time where we have to say, 'How do you deal with them in the long-term?'" The Australian branch of ABC News estimated the request at Thirty Two Million in Australian Dollars. Why the Defense Department is asking for Australian Dollars is unknown.

ABC News estimated the request at Thirty Two Million in Australian Dollars.

The new prison would be exclusively for prisoners who had been thoroughly questioned and held no more information deemed necessary for security. It would be modeled after modern US prisons which are designed to give prisoners areas to socialize, sell drugs and commit homosexual acts. The new prison would be called “Camp 6”, after a style of British humor.

But not everyone is happy. Radical leftists such as Senator Richard Lugar (R-Indiana) are opposing the plan. "It's a bad idea. So we ought to get over it and we ought to have a very careful, constitutional look at this," said Senator Lugar during an appearance on Fox News.

posted by NewsBlog 5000  # Sunday, January 02, 2005 0 complaints

Over the last few days, the United States received harsh criticism for not giving enough money for Earthquake and Tsunami relief. Some went as far as to compare what the US was giving to the pledges of other countries and call the US downright stingy. With the announcement by Bush that the US government was going to up its pledge to $350 million dollars, hopes were that this bizarre and macabre bidding war would cease.

Japan and the US have been going back and forth since the beginning of this disaster.

Enter Japan. Japan and the United States have been going back and forth since the beginning of this disaster. First the US pledged $15 million. Then Japan pledged $30 million dollars. In retribution, the US raised their amount to $35 million. The US felt cornered. Britain came in with $96 million, Sweden achieved $80 million and China managed to scrape up $60 million.

While Bush appeared cool and brushed aside accusations of the US being stingy, his inner fear was beginning to show. Afraid that that US would fall behind on looking sympathetic to the plight of Asians, they went for a coup de grace and pledged $350 million dollars to the disaster relief. Bush also announced that the US flag would fly at half mast for five days.

Japan is back into the fray. They have now pledged half a billion dollars worth of aid.

But now, Japan is back into the fray. They have now pledged half a billion dollars worth of aid. But Japan’s aid has been criticized in the past. Many times, the Japanese government will give foreign aid on the condition that the money is spent on Japanese goods and services. This is similar to the reason for a breakdown of relations with China earlier in the month. A spokesman for the Chinese Foreign ministry said, “Japan's aid to China is not unilateral benefaction.” Speculation now exists on exactly what the United States will do in retaliation to Japan’s obvious affront to the US. Will Japan be kicked out of the US aid coalition? Or will the US simply up the ante once again? Just how far can we afford to go to show our benevolence? Collin Powell suggested that the US would once again raise its pledge. "I'm not sure 350 [million dollars] is the end number. It's the number that we've settled on for now," Powell said, saying he wanted to avoid a situation where "each day everybody was trying to play 'Can you top this?'"

posted by NewsBlog 5000  # Saturday, January 01, 2005 3 complaints